Always thinking of you
by EVILinnocence666
Summary: AU. Post Breaking Dawn Bella loses the baby, and she and Edward divorce, but just because Vampire-girl is back in town doesn't mean that Jacob Black is going to come running back to her side. Rated M for smutastic future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Dear Jacob

August 14, 2006 Forks

Dear Jake,

I'm not going to pretend that I was happy about the other night ended but I will say that I will always be your friend and I that unlike most people I don't break promises. I know that you're worried about Edward's lifestyle. I also know that you may hate me right now since you're not answering my calls, emails, or texts. Your dad said that you needed time. I'll try to respect that. I know that it's hard for you to respect my relationship with Edward but that you still try for my sake. Me writing you these letters is me trying to respect you. Know that just because you're hurting doesn't mean you're alone. You were always there for me when I needed you and so in writing to you I'm doing my best to be there for you in return.

If you can't be happy for my decision to be with Edward at least be happy knowing that I'm happy.

Always thinking of you,

Bella

August 16, 2006 Forks

Dear Jake,

I know we haven't been talking much anymore and I know I hurt you. I hurt a lot of people by choosing Edward and his…lifestyle. You're not taking my calls or emails anymore and you haven't for a long time, but I get that. That night when we almost—you said something to me. I looked it up. I know how it feels for your heart to break. It's nothing like a romance novel or a teen drama. It feels like someone died but that person you're mourning is you. When Edward left me, I died. When I said you couldn't fix me I wasn't saying that you couldn't fix anyone else. You can't fix dead.

But you still tried. If I was a dead tree you trimmed back every part of me looking for a sign of life and eventually you found it. So maybe I only died a little. Maybe I was only dormant, not dead completely, since there was still something to find.

When I was with you I felt like a part of me was healing. But I couldn't let go of Edward. First love is hard to kill. I'm rambling but the point of me telling you this is that I know about your feelings and I don't pity you. I do love you, but not the way you deserve. I want you to know that I miss our friendship but out of respect I'll keep my distance until you're ready.

My dad doesn't let Edward in the house or through the windows and your family agrees with him and so Edward stays on the edge of Forks when I visit. He can't really go to Arizona when I visit my mom because of the weather (sunny all the time). But she and her new husband come out to Alaska to visit us pretty often.

Alaska is like the best of both worlds for Edward and I. I know Edward can't go in the sun. But I love it. I love letting it brown my skin I love the feel of it. It's why I was such a brat when I left Arizona but you knew that. The summers in Alaska are beautiful: ridiculously long days of warmth and sun. The sky is so incredibly blue here. No smog no hint of pollution brown. It's so blue it makes you ache inside and it reflects the ocean like a perfect mirror. Like I said you should come out here.

I know that your tribe doesn't let you leave much since you accepted leadership but you should come out here anyway. I heard about it from Uncle Billy. Congratulations by the way.

The winters here are nice too. You know me I get a little gloomy when it's rainy (like forks) or pitch dark like here. But Edward is showing me how beautiful it can be at night like the Auroras. I saw my first one this year and there's really nothing like it. Pictures don't do it justice. It lights up the whole sky with streaks of color.

I know you worry but I'm happy. I mean really happy. No more screaming nightmares you know? All I can hope for you is that one day; you'll feel the same way. Whatever girl you set your eyes on is sure to be blessed. I know you worry about your condition and how it changes you and how it's already changed Sam. But I know that you'll never really change. To me you'll always be the same: my best friend. Thanks again for the wedding present. I'm still going to use the smaller dream catcher you got me for my birthday. The big one is hanging over my side of the bed (Edward doesn't sleep so he doesn't need it). I love it though.

Always thinking of you,

Bella


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Guess what?

Author's Note:

Hey guys! Ok so this was Betaed by me. I did the best I could with midterms and other shit flying through the air. You should again really thank Trini Li for this one because she's the one harassing me to put out _longer_ chapters and more chapters. I wouldn't but she knows where I sleep . After all we are roommates. Lol. I know it's slow but it'll pick up and after the letter portion there is a whole LONG section from Jacob's . I also promise to make Bella less of a bi--*coughs* I mean pain in the butt. If anyone wants to beta the chapters will come faster.

Thanks again,

EVILinnocence666

August 20th 2006 Forks

Dear Jake,

Uncle Billy says that you're out working in the garage. I called you there but you didn't answer. I know you're probably avoiding me, but that's ok. The great thing about writing a letter is that you can keep them even if you don't read them. My dad used to send me letters after mom left him. But I didn't read them until recently. In a way I'm glad I didn't. I couldn't have understood what he was telling me in those letters then. Mostly he talked about missing me and my mom.

Anyway, keep the letters for later even if you never open them. I just wanted you to be the first to know since you're my best friend that I'm pregnant! Not even Edward knows yet. Now before you go on me about the no sex before marriage thing I swear we didn't before the wedding!

Just between you and me I'm freaking out. I mean am I happy? Of course. I love Edward and I want the baby. But me a mother? You know how I feel about my own mother. I love her and even like her but my mother isn't exactly great parenting material. I mean, I may have left for Forks to live with Charlie on my own, but I also know that she wouldn't care so much once I was gone. It's not that she doesn't love me so much as she gets distracted. A new boyfriend/husband, a new job, a new life. It didn't really occur to her how I would fit in it. She's kinda selfish that way. Not that I can really blame her for it. She was young when she had me but not as young as I'll be when I have this baby. I don't know if I'm ready for it. Then again, once Edward changes me then I'll have lifetimes to get used to it right? I guess that's what his lifestyle entails: a lot of time to get used to things.

Edward's going to school in Alaska with me He doing the university thing for a while with me but later, he and Alice plan to go back to high school. I don't know how he does it exactly, enduring lame proms, stupid jocks, and high school bullshit politics all over again. I told him that I was done with high school. I'm unsure why exactly why I'm going to school. I'm not really sure about what degree I would go for or how I would use it but I guess I just need some sort of normalcy in my life even if it means that when we move inevitably again, I'll have to start over.

How was high school for you on the reservation? You never really ever told me about it? I heard you graduated in the top third of your class from Billy. I'm really happy for you. You should travel, get out of Forks and go explore the world. Europe, Asia, Canada, maybe even Alaska.

Like I said the last time you're always welcome here. I know you don't get along with Edward but Alice is really cool. You and her just got off to a bad start. I told her later that I didn't like what she said about you being a wet dog. For one I know you're not always a wolf and she should know that too. If you could put aside your dislike of their lifestyle, I'm sure they would try to understand yours more. I know at least you and Alice would hit it off. She's not as much as a tomboy as I am and she doesn't like to get dirty as much, but she loves hiking and nature and I'm sure that all three of us could go out and hike somewhere up in Forks sometime.

Always thinking of you,

Bella

August 30th 2006 Alaska

Dear Jake,

It's been a little while since I wrote you but I haven't been feeling so great. Between you and me, this baby sucks. I'm already twenty pounds heavier and it's only been a month. If this continues at this rate I'll be a blimp! If I'm not puking my guts out all the time, it's body aches and cramps and headaches and fatigue. I had to drop my morning introduction to oil painting class because of it. I kept my afternoon fairytale studies class though. They were talking about werewolves the other day since we were reading Angela Carter's "Company of Wolves" and I thought of you. I wonder how many of your family members inspired those stories and how many are just made up.

You should read "Company of Wolves." It's based off the Little Red Riding Hood story but I think you'd like it cause it doesn't vilifies the wolf character. Did you know that in the original Red Riding Hood story the wolf rapes Little Red Riding Hood? Fucked up right? In Carter's version she keeps the sex but ups Red Riding Hood's age and makes it more a coming of age thing. It's kinda smutty too but again I think you'd appreciate it for that.

See any good movies lately? When I'm not in class I've been cooped up at home on bed rest. I hate it but Carlisle insists on it. Pregnancy with people of their lifestyle can be difficult and they don't to take any chances. Edward's been great as always but he's been worried because of the baby.

Because I'm not "turned" yet Carlisle and the others worry that the baby could hurt me when I deliver. They're also worried because if I do deliver it has to be at home.

You like gore right? I never knew how gory baby making was until I read "What to Expect When You're Expecting." It's almost better than "Head punch" until I remember that this shit is going to be happening to me. Guess what I get to expect in the following eight months from now? Spider veins, facial hair and memory loss because, get this, if I don't take enough vitamins and proteins the baby takes the nutrients FROM MY BRAIN! If that's not horror movie I don't know what is.

I'm sure I'll love him or her when he/she arrives, but I can tell you right now that I will remind them from the rest of their long long life how much misery they caused in my first trimester.

All kidding aside, I'm doing ok. Edward ditches school when I get really bad morning sickness making me feel even more like a Cougar. He's been taking good care of me.

You should come to Alaska when the baby's born! I'm still thinking about names but I haven't come up with anything good. Any ideas?

I'll write again sooner permitting that this retarded fetus doesn't eat my brain and make me puke out my insides before then.

Always thinking of you,

Bella


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note:

Hey out there! Now I know all you team Jacob lovers are frothing at the mouth thinking, "Damnit! Where's our wolf-boy!" I know, I know. Promise, Promise it'll be all him next chapter. Again, thanks to Trini-Li for bugging the shit out of me: "When-are-you-going-to-update." **Snorts** As if she can't just walk over to the other side of the room and go on to my computer and read ahead. I think she just likes seeing it up on .

Chapter 3: Repentance

September 9th 2006 Alaska

Dear Jake,

I never got to properly thank you for saving my life all those times you did and I want to do it now. I don't want to live a life with any regrets.

I still have your charm bracelet you gave me for graduation. I know that you think that the wolf you carved can't live up to the diamond heart next to it, but I think it's just as great.

I never got to apologies to you about me punching you when you kissed me either. It broke my hand but somehow I think it hurt you more. I didn't get that then. I guess it was easier for me to see in black in white terms back then. I couldn't understand that I was hurting you all the times I said I loved Edward, and then tossed you aside. I didn't mean for you to take it as that. It's just complicated. I love Edward but that doesn't mean that I should have flaunted it to you knowing that you had feelings for me. It was selfish and petty and just damn awful. I know that Edward loved so and me then did you but I wonder now why?

How can you love a monster? A true monster not something that you're forced into by your genetics in your case, or by circumstances, like Edward's. Not a monster by appearance but by actual character.

Looking at the photos from my senior year I see a true monster: a bratty, self-centered, snob who only cared about getting what she wanted even if it hurt others. I ditched the people who made friends with me when I was alone in Forks and ditched them again with Edward disappeared. I barged back into my dad's life, never taking up his offers for me to visit him until it working with _my _plans and spent the rest of my time they're disappearing for days leaving him worrying about my death. I almost died when Edward left me, and yet I couldn't understand how it would feel for my dad when I disappeared or did reckless things like cliff diving. I repeated that same terrible diatribe my mother used instead of anything else to run away with Edward. And then I hurt you. You my best friend who always had my back even when I didn't think I was worth it. I used you to tell me about the legend when Edward came into my life, and used you again when he left it. I manipulated you into helping me rebuild those bikes and used it to see Edward even if it meant hurting myself and thus, hurting you who cared about me.

Even Edward isn't exempt from me. I couldn't decide between the two of you so I left both of you in emotional limbo. I did things that hurt you and him and made you hate each other when you should've have hated me. He wanted to wait to get married and for me to turn because he wanted me to enjoy my last few years as a human even though the smell of my blood tormented him. All I could think about was being with him forever, never growing old, having special powers. I didn't think about the reality of it and now that the reality is fast approaching me, I wish I had listened to him when he said, "Let's wait five years. Give me five years."

In reality Edward was saying give _yourself_ five years to figure out whether or not this relationship will work, whether or not this lifestyle will work. Maybe if things didn't work out we could divorce but I could never be the same again. I tell Edward that I can tell he has a soul and I think he does. But Edward is not me. Edward wasn't raised in our time and here I was forcing my beliefs on him to get my way. You see what I mean? Selfish, selfish, selfish. I can honestly say that I didn't mean to do these things and that I was unaware.

You may ask me why I'm saying these things about myself. I guess you could say that I am doing my best to repent for the monster I was because I don't have an exscue like Edward and you. All I can hope is that you'll forgive me.

You know I can't lie to you so I'll try to tell you as honestly as I can without scaring you: the baby is killing me. Edward is beside himself with worry and he wants to abort it and I don't know what to do.

I really wish you were here to tell me what to do or at least to tell me it's going to be ok. Edward tells me that but I can tell he doesn't believe it.

Carlisle wants to take me to a hospital since that baby is growing far too quickly and way faster than a normal fetus. But we can't since there's a chance that what they are could be discovered when they are trying to help the baby and me.

I'm writing this while the Cullins are deciding what they should do. Again, because I cannot lie to you, I'll tell you I'm scared. I'm scared for my baby and me and I want my mom and I want you here.

I have to stop writing before Edward comes back but I will post this as soon as I'm better. Again, I'm sorry.

Always thinking of you,

Bella

The next letter was a sloppily written note written on the back of a "Congratulations! It's a Girl" card:

September 10th 2006

We lost the baby

Bella

December 18th 2006

I've already sent you six letters and no reply. Billy tells my dad that you're off traveling and that you haven't opened any of them but that he's saving them until you get back.

I hope you come to Alaska so I can yell at you. Why didn't you come to see me when I was sick? I know that sounds juvenile like a kid asking their parents why they didn't get a pony for Christmas but I almost died Jake and you weren't there.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that even if you probably will never read this I promised myself that I wasn't going to hurt people I cared about anymore.

Edward is far from perfect. I only tell you this because you're my best friend and I don't know who else to tell. Alice and I are close but she's understandably biased towards Edward. I have friends from my classes and I'm trying to be a better friend to them then I was to the kids back in high school, but I could never tell any of them about this even if the Volturi weren't against it.

You're the only person I can tell and the only person that could possibly understand this conversation, however one-sided, without locking me up in the loony-bin.

He won't have sex with me. You can laugh. Go ahead. I'm sure a part of you delights that "Vampire-boy" as you call him won't touch me but it really hurts my feelings. I try not to push him because I know it's because of the miscarriage and how my heart stopped. I also know that he's mad that even after they turned me, the baby didn't survive. It was a baby girl.

He won't touch me because again, believe or not Jake, the first time we did do it, was on our wedding night and we used protection. I was on birth control and condoms until I realized I was pregnant. Despite the birth control, they thought the fetus was fine until it started growing so fast it was breaking my ribs.

Edward barely speaks to me and won't touch me and I just wish that the baby was alive and I could stuff all the selfish complaining back down my throat and make it disappear.

I hope that you call me when you get this letter because I don't just miss you right now I need you. I just really need a friend because somehow, losing this baby, hurts more than almost losing Edward because when that happened you were there.

Always thinking of you,

Bella

P.S. Her name was Renessee


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:

Evil: Oh Jacob! What big arms you have!

Jacob: The better to restrain you with!

Evil: And Jacob! What nice abs you have!

Jacob: The better to flex at you with. **flashes winning smile**

Evil promptly faints

Jacob: HEY! aren't you supposed to say "Jacob what a great ass you have!"

Here it is ladies (and gents if gents like Jacob) the much anticipated chapter with the sexy Jacob Black!

Chapter 4: The Return of Vampire Girl

Eight years pass

Jacob Black was a well-known man in LaPush and even more so within his own tribe. As a joke his dad got him a bumper stick that read, "Women love me. Men fear me." And as much of a joke it may have been; it was also true.

Jacob tall, tanned, muscular and handsome had the attention of every woman in LaPush. Ever since he was sixteen he'd had their attention. But now that he was over eighteen, enough over eighteen for it not to cause too much scandal to date him, every woman seemed to be gunning for him.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, son," Billy would tell him. "Brings you a lot of business." Jacob would inwardly sigh at that. Sometimes he wondered if the women of LaPush purposely broke down their cars just so that he would fix them.

"Jacob, Sam's on the phone for you," Billy was already wheeling over the handset. Jacob eyed the wheels of his father's wheel chair from the underneath of a black 67 Shelby Eleanor Mustang. "I'm working," Jacob growled.

His father laughed. "I can see that. Sam says it's important. It's about a Cullen returning to Forks. He said that the tribe wants your opinion since you're the Alpha now." Jake caught the phone as his father dropped into his outreached hand.

"I'm with Eleanor right now Sam what do you want?"

Sam's bark of laughter echoed on the cement floor of the garage. "Are you going to get any soon from this "Eleanor." You've been ditching your pack for the last three months to spend time with her."

Jake smiled and wheeled himself out from under his car. "Maybe. I'm still trying to convince her to let me ride her."

Sam laughed again. "That's kinda crude coming from you brother but whatever works. I wouldn't pull you away from your lady unless it was important. I know this is your day off."

--"Was my day off," Jacob muttered walking over to the back sink to wash his hands with lava soap. "You said it was the Cullens. I thought we told them to move out of Forks and stay out."

"Yesss…we did. But that was years ago and we figured you'd want to revisit this issue. I say we tell her to go back to Alaska with the rest of them but Jared disagrees. Then again he always liked her too." Sam snorted.

Something wasn't making sense in Jacob's line of thought.

"Jared doesn't like vampires."

"Vampire. One. The rest of the Cullens are staying in Alaska. It's that Vampire-girl Isabella Swan. She wants to come back here."

----

"Vampire. One. The rest of the Cullens are staying in Alaska. It's that Vampire-girl Isabella Swan. She wants to come back here."

"Shit," Jacob called out as he squeezed the soap so hard that it slid and dived into the open toilet.

"What was that,"—Jacob swore again staring at the red soap at the bottom of it's water grave.

"Nothing," he growled.

---

Jacob was not in the mood to be with his pack. Not that he didn't love his pack just that he could tell that every single one of them was probing about his thoughts about Bella Swan and that it took every ounce of his learned discipline to keep them from hearing his not so happy opinion,

-"The meeting is commenced," Sam's voice rang out in the community center where about fifty members sat, twenty pack members, ten human mates of pack members, and ten past pack members. Sam, Emily, Jacob and Billy sat at the head on a makeshift stage. Last year Jacob had chosen each of them to be a part of what he termed his counsel. Sam was chosen as he was Jacob's right hand and the substitute Alpha. Billy _had _been a member of the pack but had chosen mortality for Jacob's mother and so could offer wisdom that came from being older membe, and Emily was the sympathetic mortal perspective. In a way, they all balanced each other.

"First item, Isabella Swan Cullen."

Jacob braced himself for the onslaught, imagining that his brain was a black lead box. Still the occasional loud thought interrupted his concentration.

-"Vampire Girl"--

-"Jacob was really heart broken over her"--

Billy nudged Jacob with his elbow. "Your expression could scare small children right now, son."

"First in favor of Isabella Swan Cullins returning to Forks is Jared.

Jared stood before Billy, Jacob, Sam, and Emily taking off his baseball cap and rubbing the brim nervously with his fingers.

"F-From what we heard from our sources connected to the Volturi, Bella has been turned." The sea of voices rose and Jared had to raise his voice above them. Sam hit the wooden gavel against the podium. "Quiet! Let him finish."

Jared coughed as he looked up and then away from Jacob's stony expression.

"They said that Bella's, I mean Isabella's specific powers are to "shield." This means that Isabella can block out other vampire's powers including the Volturi's." A hush blanketed the room. Jared continued nervously on. "What's more is that a complication from her turning and her powers make it so that she doesn't appear completely vampiric. H-Her skin does not sparkle and she has appeared to age, although very very slowly. Because she is a Cullen, she does not consume human blood and would only hunt on designated night like the Cullins did before her. Because of this," Jared took a deep breath. "I-think-we-should-let-Bella-Swan-in-Forks," the last sentence was rushed and once said Jared quickly made his way to his seat avoiding Jacob's eyes which were already turning golden with suppressed anger.

Sam glanced at Jacob and exhaled a sigh. "Opposing Isabella Swan Cullins admission to Forks is Leah Clearwater."

Leah took her position to the front of the room not nervously as Jared had, but resolutely.

"Bella Swan is a threat." Her words rang out clearly. "Her powers over other vampires make her so. She has always attracted trouble to Forks and this time will be no different except that due to her divorce with Edward Cullins"-

Jacob choked.

_ WHAT!?_

His angry outraged thought was loud enough to ring out in every head of every person there. Leah paused a small, amused smile playing on her features.

"Furthermore, as I was saying she is no longer attached to the vampire Edward Cullen, meaning that she would primarily protecting herself and if the tribe chose to take her admission we would also be choosing to protect her."

A rush of thoughts came towards Jacob at the word "divorce". Even blocking them it was giving him a headache. Sam eyed him warily. They would try to end this quickly before Jacob had to exscue himself.

Sam hit his gavel again. "The Counsel will vote now. Yea for Isabella's admittance, neigh for denial of admittance."-He turned towards his wife, "Yea." Sam turned to Billy, "Yea." Sam sighed as he glanced at Jacob whose fingernails had carved crescent moons into the chair. His "Neigh" was bitten out from clenched teeth, Sam sighed. "Yea."

It was all Jacob could take, his eyes glowing he stormed out of the room before he could transform.

It took Jacob ten full minutes before he didn't want to rip the throat out of every person in the room who thought, _Does Jacob still love Bella? _

"Having a wolf hissy-fit out there son?" His father's voice rang out to him. Jacob was pulling on his pants that he had the foresight to take off before he transformed. His shirt wasn't has lucky.

"Take my jacket," Billy managed to smile at his son's stony glare. "Don't want to cause any female heart attacks when we explain our decision."

The reason he didn't want Bella back in forks. He didn't need a reason. The thought came and went. Jacob sighed. He couldn't act like this. Sure, there was a counsel but only because he appointed one. His decision could be the ultimate one. Bella was clouding his judgment.

He reclaimed his seat on the stage as Sam called order. Emily of course went first.

"Taking into consideration of what Leah and Jarad said I think Bella would be a great asset to the tribe since she already knows and has kept our secret. Furthermore, she would be a great asset in defending both LaPush and Forks against other vampires." Sam and Billy nodded showing that Emily's line of reasoning was theirs as well.

Jacob was still scowling. The council turned to hear his reasoning, "I agree with Leah," he countered lamely. "Isabella attracts trouble."

_I say think about her genes! If she mated with one of the tribe a truly powerful line could be created especially if it was with say the Alpha-_ Billy's very public thought rang almost as loudly as Jacob's interruptive, _Dad! SHUTUP! _

There was laughter at Billy's suggestion as always was and humiliation on Jacob's part of his father airing out his desire for grandkids to the whole tribe. Sam concluded the meeting with his thoughts, "I may not like her but I have considered both sides and I agree with Emily and Billy that Isabella Swan Cullen is a valuable asset to the tribe and it should be taken into consideration that if a member of the tribe wishes to mate with her that it would be encouraged. Meeting adjourned."


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I do not own twilight, new moon, or the other books that Stephanie Myers has written or **sob** Jacob Black.

A.N.

Thank you so much to all the reviews. I was pleasantly surprised that someone caught the Gone in 60 Seconds reference. Reviews are love people. I noticed that a lot have people have favorited and not reviewed so here's the deal: if 35 people review I will put up the first smutty chapter that I have ALREADY WRITTEN in the story. It's from Jacob's point of view so it's sure to be steamy. Also give me an idea if you guys like many short chapters or one LONG chapter. Thanks again to everyone that has already reviewed.

Chapter 5: Sexy Landlords are a Bad Thing

It had been a long time since Jacob had been fifteen and humiliated by his father at a clan meeting, but tonight brought it all rushing back. Most of all it brought back the fact that as much as he would like to deny it, feelings for Bella still lay dormant within him: bad feelings, hurt, resentful feelings, but feelings none the less. Feelings he would like to fade to apathy but never did.

_"I would never ever hurt you Bella"_ She should have made make that damn promise to him. He shook his head in an effort to shake out the errant thoughts that flew around his mind, mostly things like how he couldn't believe that _Sam_ would want Bella to move back.

And of course, as much as he hated himself for it, the embers of feelings he had for Bella also came rushing back. _She chose him over you._ The feelings subsided if only a little bit, leaving Jacob more than a little relieved. His mind was returning to him as he thought about how she told him that, "she just loved Edward more". The sting was the reminder he needed. The reminder that even though he had made that stupid promise all those years ago and that even now he was bound by his word, she had never made any sort of promise to him in return. She had left him the last time like she always left him: empty and angry. And that wasn't going to happen again.

Isabella Swan formally Isabella Swan Cullen surveyed the empty studio. Right above First beach, in a three story refurnished brick building in LaPush, the wide glass windows may have been coated with dust, but Bella could see the potential. _I could put my easel here and my bookshelf there my dresser there and_-She paused in her inward decorating to gaze out the wide windows. _What an amazing view_. _I wonder why no one has snatched up this place. Sure it needs some fixing up but still. It's cheap and this view!_

It was the perfect art studio for a new life. When she had been with Edward she had mostly dabbled in art, taking University classes to keep herself amused. But after her first illustration commission for a children's fairy tale book, she started taking on more jobs. The way Edward ignored her in the last couple years of their dying marriage gave her plenty of time to kill. She liked painting and she was good at it. She even had a M.F.A. Not as prestigious as the M.D. Edward had, but it was something to fall back on now that they _weren't together_. The thought sent a sting of pain through her. It was final wasn't it?

Bella sighed. LaPush. How long had it been since she'd been back in LaPush or Forks for that matter? A year? Two? The divorce was barely final when she left Alaska. It was winter again and she couldn't endure another Alaskan winter without sunlight not when she couldn't—she stopped her train of thought. Edward was in her past now.

As Bella climbed down the steep stairs, pocketing the key the retailer lent her, she saw an elderly woman struggling with a paper bag full of groceries. Bella smiled as she rushed to the woman's side. "Hey, let me get that." The woman, who's tanned wrinkled face looked like creased leather, folded into a smile. "Thank you. Are you going to be the new tenant in 3a?" Bella smiled as she easily balanced the bag on her hip. "I hope so. The rent is so cheap here for practically beach front property."

The LaPush woman nodded. "I know what you mean. It's all the landlord's doing. He took this old factory warehouse and fixed it up, got contractors in and turned it into housing. He's picky about his renters but if you move in here he's a great man." The old woman winked, "Nice body too."

Bella laughed. "I bet. I heard that the upstairs apartment used to be his which is why no one has lived in it so long." –"Almost two years. He traveled for a while but he came back a few years ago. He owns the garage in town but he fixes up buildings for a hobby." Bella laughed. "You know an awful lot about your landlord." The woman laughed with her. "Oh not just me. Everyone in LaPush knows all about Jacob Black."

--

Chapter seven: Age is just a number

"Jacob Black," Bella echoed in disbelief. "That's right. Billy Black's son. Owns Black Wolf Garage. He turned out really handsome which is why the gossip on him is so hot. He's too young for me but if I was young like you--," the woman gave a cackle as she nudged Bella's side.

She'd assumed that Jake would still be in LaPush, but that he would actually own the building she wanted to rent didn't occur to her. The Jacob that lived in her mind was still sixteen, with that short hairstyle she didn't like.

He wasn't sixteen obviously anymore. In reality he would be…she calculated in her head, _holy shit_, twenty-four now. "I can't believe I'm twenty-seven. I'm so old," Bella felt like groaning aloud. "You're not old," the woman with the groceries admonished as Bella walked towards her truck. "Besides," The woman called out to her, "Age is just a number."

"Phone for you Jacob," one of Jacob's mechanics, Mike, tossed the phone to him as Jacob examined a woman's truck.

"Black Wolf Garage, Jacob Black speaking,"—"Hey Jacob this is your relator, Simon?

"Hey Simon! What's up?"

"I think I found you a nice tenant for the First Beach property Loft. She knows you're kinda picky so she's offering almost double of what you asked for."

Jacob paused. "Almost double? Where's she's getting that kind of money in LaPush? You checked her background didn't you? She's not a drug dealer?"

The realtor laughed. "No, no, not at all. Apparently she's a children's book illustrator. She's been doing the art for some fairytale books. She said she needed a studio near her house in Forks. 'Said wanted something with a nice view. You want to meet her? She said she'd be here for the rest of the day. If you closed the shop a little early you could catch her before she heads back to Forks."

Jacob sighed. _There goes my lunch break._ "Sure. She said she'd pay double the asking price, right." He could practically hear Simon calculating his ten percent interest right now.

"Great! I'll give here a call then. We'll meet you over at the property at around…let's say five?" Jacob glanced at his watch. It was three now, giving him an hour to get the shop closed and another hour to get over there. "Will do."

By the time Jacob finished closing, he was already running late, too late to catch the shower he planned on. He probably smelled like a grease monkey right now but that couldn't be helped. Grabbing his keys off the key ring, he wheeled his bike out of the driveway, just in time to watch Mike lower the metal siding.

"Tell my dad that I should be back in an hour," Jacob instructed yanking on the black leather motor-cycle jacket, and pulling back his hair back to re-tie it into a tighter ponytail. "Sure thing," Mike called out but Jacob was already half way down the road.

If he pulled fifty, Jacob reasoned, he could make it to First Beach barely on time. Jacob glanced skyward, eying the ominous gray clouds that hung low over his destination. Hopefully he'd be there before the rain started.

---

He wasn't. About a mile before he reached the building the rain started coming down in sheets. _Now I smell like a wet dog,_ Jacob thought as First Beach came into view. He saw an unfamiliar red pickup in the driveway. _Must be the girl Simon was talking about. _As he climbed the three flights of stairs he heard the tail end of the conversation,- "I've been bunking with my dad out in Forks since my divorce but I think it's time for me to move out."

"Must be hard. How long were you two married?" There was a definite pause.

"Almost ten years," she sounded wistful.

--"I'm sorry ," He heard Simon close the window as he entered the doorway, taking off his helmet.

Suddenly Jacob was assaulted by jasmine perfume and the smell of familiar shampoo and soap—_No. It can't be her. _

But it was. Isabella Swan Cullen turned to face Jacob a warm smile lighting up her features, her eyes gleamed a light gold. "Long time no see, Jake."

---

He schooled his face into an expression of something other than the panic that was spreading through him.

There was a very awkward and pregnant pause.

"So you're an artist now," the smell of her was overwhelming him. He briskly walked over to the window Simon had just closed and reopened it. A gust of wind cleared his senses.

She nodded for a moment suddenly engrossed with her shoes.

"I didn't realize you two knew each other! Miss Swan, you didn't tell me!" Bella laughed nervously.

"I didn't know until I was talking to the lady that lives below us."

"I'll just leave you two to catch up then," Simon flashed a quick smile and made his exit.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or the series or I'd be richer and not have to take out student loans.

A.N. I know, I know. I was mean and I said that I wanted 35 reviews and yet, here I am, beta-less **sniffs** and still updating.

Mostly this is because there are wonderfully nice people of there reviewing…even if there are only ten of you.

What I can't get is I got over 800 hits off this story. That's right! So many have been reading this fic and yet so little reviews.

However, there are people who are waiting for this fic and it's not fair or cool that they have to suffer! And of course Trini-Li. She bugs me to update, reads it on my computer, and then reads it on and then reviews! As she put it, that's dedication, bitchs!

I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed and favorited! Big shout outs to Pooks79 who has repeatably reviewed this story! Thanks also to Beautiful-Liar13, Gwynne, moonbunny666, brooklynsam3, marlijn, dreamertotheend, nanniegirl who have put my story on their favorites and story alerts. You know guys, if you guys reviewed you'd be one step closer to the smut I have prepared. It's good shit I guarantee.

I think after this story, which is more substance than smut, I will write a SMUTTIFIED Jake/Bella fic.

Chapter 6: A Rekindling Friendship

She had known he probably wouldn't be thrilled to see her due to their falling out, but he seemed less then thrilled and closer to irritated.

"Why are you in LaPush? Couldn't you find a place in Forks that had a nice view?" his voice came out sarcastic and biting.

"Why hello to you too Jake," She muttered under her breath.

"He turned you I'm guessing," he looked up to see her standing in a shaft of sunlight and his eyes widened.

"Your skin."

She frowned. "What about it?"

"It looks normal."

"Thanks Jake," she sounded more then a little annoyed.

"I mean, you can out in sunlight and you don't "-

"Sparkle? Yes I don't sparkle. They're not sure why but they think it's connected to my shielding abilities." It was only then that he really looked at her. It was still Bella, same rich dark hair that swept around her shoulders, but she was maybe an inch taller and her face seemed more defined she looked,-"You look old!"

Now Bella was officially pissed, she glared daggers at him slapping her hands on his chest, "God Jake! I get it! I'm a cougar!"

"Sorry," it came out in a laugh. He was a little sorry. Bella had always been sensitive about her age and their age difference. But she did look older. Older than she had been after her wedding and older after being turned.

"I still age, asshole," she muttered. "Just a lot slower than humans. Probably closer to how you age."

He remembered vaguely Jarad mentioning this at the meeting but seeing the result in person was different then just hearing about it.

"So, I see you're into real estate now? Not just a mechanic?" She was eying his blue coveralls that were covered in grease, dirt, mud, and indefinable shit. He shrugged. "I fix up places. Turn them into housing."

"Like a house-flipper?"

"I guess, but not as gay."

It couldn't be any worse, he surmised. Here he was looking _and _smelling his absolute worst and _she_ the person to see him like this. He wanted their reunion to be different, a different day, a different him, where he would have a beautiful woman on his arm perfect hair, clean and polished, and maybe just _pretend_ that it didn't bother him in the slightest that she had blown back into town. Maybe if he had pretended that he wasn't still hurt and angry and the tiniest bit attracted to her and her obnoxious scent, he could will it into reality. He stared at the pelting rain and took another deep breath of salty air. It was already raining so it couldn't get much worse right?

"Jacob! You done with your tenant? It's pouring cats and dogs out here and I wanted to start dinner!," Billy honked the horn of his truck twice as Jacob felt his stomach bottom out. Worse had just arrived.

---

If Bella felt apprehensions about seeing his dad again she hid it well, Jacob observed. And his dad seemed to warm up to her again almost immediately.

"I heard from your dad you were back in town," Billy called out over the sound of the rain. "You two should catch up! I'm sure you and Jacob have loads to talk about."

It was only then that Jacob saw Bella's smile wane a little. "Sure, but I'm sure you and Jake have a busy evening ahead"-"Nah! We were just going to have a dinner at home. Watch some sports. Your dad's coming over, matter of fact. I'm sure he'd like it if you came over," Billy's wolfish smile could charm any woman and Bella looked like she was weakening. "I guess I could stay but only if Jake's okay with it."

Jacob felt a twinge of guilt somewhere near his heart. _She just got a divorce and all you can think about is being an asshole. It's Bella remember. She wasn't the seducing type to begin with. You'll be fine._

For the first time in a few days, maybe a few months, Jacob's lips spread in a genuine smile, one that lit up his whole face and danced in his eyes. "Sure. Come on over."

Once they were in the truck, motorcycle secured in the back, Billy's face turned serious. "Jacob, I know you're a man now, but I want to warn you about Bella," Jacob sighed. –"I'm over her dad. It's no big deal."

Billy Black's eyes lit up in surprise, "I was going to say be careful with _her _Jake. She's been through a lot these past years and she really needs a friend. I know you're attracted to her,"-Jacob snorted.

"I may be paralyzed but I'm not blind, Jake. She may not know, but I know. I know that smile."

Jake backtracked. "What smile?"

"That smile you gave her. It's the same smile you charm the ladies with. You're a charmer, Jake, at least when you want to be. The women you were with in Paris, ok, but not with Bella. What I'm saying is think with the right head. Don't let your hormones control you. Especially not with her."

Now Jacob was laughing. "_Dad, _Jeeze! I'm not fifteen anymore! Besides Bella's a vampire now not to mention almost thirty years old. She's two years older than me. She's changed dad. Time changes people. Bella's no exception."

Billy shook his head. "I wondered if she changed but seeing her today shows me she didn't. Bella is a good girl, Jake. Misguided at times but a good girl. It would be good for you both if you put aside your hormones and became friends."

They were home already, Jacob suddenly noticed as he watched Bella park behind them. He mechanically walked around the truck to grab his father's folding wheel-chair. _Him hurting Bella?_ That was a new concept to him. His dad gave him a semi-serious stare with raised eyebrows before Bella could bound up to them as if to say, "Remember what I said." Jacob would remember all right, if only because he didn't know how to feel about it.

---

"I brought chips!" Her bright enthusiasm dimmed a little when she mumbled, "I'm sorry but I still can't cook."

Billy roared with laughter. "That's alright Bells. Jake and I cook. If you marry a Black you'll be set for life."

Bella and Jacob's faces went up in flames.

"I- uh"-

-"You and I could run away together. I could wine you and dine you," Billy gestured grandly.

Jake snorted in spite of himself. "Sure you could. _Dad."_

---

Dinner was interesting. At least if interesting meant half interrogation about who's he's been with, when and where, and half meal. He guessed he couldn't really blame Charlie. Although he never knew it, Charlie's daughter did in fact fall and in love with and marry a vampire. Not to mention that he was a sort of werewolf.

Jacob had always suspected that Charlie knew that there was something up with "that Cullen kid." Billy was an easy-going man but he'd never pretended to like Edward , not even in front of Charlie. Even without knowing that Edward drank blood instead soda, Charlie still resented him for breaking up with his daughter _twice_ now. Not to mention the memory of the first time Edward had gone up and left Bella and how utterly destroyed she was from it. That memory still stung Jacob.

Bella wasn't the cheeriest of girls and tended to always lean towards a darker shade of humor and lifestyle. Not Goth, she never really wore black, sticking to subtle earth tones and rich greens that brought out her brown eyes and contrasted greatly with her now even paler skin.

However, there was a dramatic difference in normal sarcastic dry humor Bella and down right depressed Bella. Jacob remembered hearing Charlie taking to Billy about the night terrors and how her terrified shrieking lasted until Edward came back. The near-suicidal stunts she pulled were also an unwanted addition to Edward's breakup.

She didn't seem so depressed now as resigned. Sad maybe, but resigned. Jacob figured that a marriage ending always made people sad and but at least she didn't seem as broken as she once was. Because her brokenness had almost broken him. At that time, Jacob would have gladly sold every thing he had plus his soul if it meant Bella would be happy. It was the desperation to his puppyish devotion that Jacob resented. The fact that he would have done everything for her and that she had still tossed that away, more than stung, it burned.

"Jake?" her voice broke him out of his reverie, making him notice that they were alone at the table. "Our dads left ten minutes ago. They're watching ESPN and playing pool in your rec room.

"Oh." He noticed that his plate was empty. He must have mindlessly ate in silence this whole time. As if she was reading his mind, Bella waved her hand.

"Don't worry about it. You looked like you had a lot on your mind." He watched her eyes as she gazed at her half empty plate. She looked like she had a lot on her mind too, things that made her eyes almost pure gold. Suddenly he realized, "You haven't _really_ eaten in a while have you?"

Bella smiled guiltily, "Caught me. The hunger pangs aren't so bad though. The meat is pretty rare and I can still eat to fill my stomach. My body just doesn't use most of it. I'll probably get bored of it in the next fifty years or so."

"Aren't you, you know, smelling my blood though, and my dad's and your dad's anyway?"

Bella shrugged. "I smell blood all the time Jake. I've gotten used to it. I'm sure you smell it just as much as I do. Perfume helps though to mask it for me." Jacob nodded remember the scent that had been so much stronger earlier today. He watched her eyes wistfully gaze out the window, "I was going to hunt tonight. I'll just have to do it late. I told Charlie I've taken up bow-hunting. It explains why dead rabbits and deer steaks end up in our freezer these days. Do you hunt, when you're, _you-know_?"

Jake nodded. Hunting in wolf form was addicting. A pure instinctual adrenaline rush, better than cliff diving and gory movies all rolled in one. Bella seemed to pick up on his fantasy. "I like it too. Too bad we can't hunt together. I'd be fun."

For an indulgent moment he imagined it and it did seem fun. Running with total abandon tracking a deer or a boar and catching it. Seeing who could run the fastest. Even the risk of being seen seemed to add to the adventurous quality of the fantasy playing through his mind.

-"Your pack would never allow it," she pointed out almost forlornly with a sigh.

-"Probably re-break the treaty while the ink is still drying," he scowled. It did sound like fun.

Bella glanced at the wall clock. "My hunting curfew is coming up so I gotta get going Jake. I wish I could stay longer but," she smiled and her eyes seemed even more noticeably gold. "I keep telling Charlie that I like to wear these weird contacts but if my eyes keep turning this color all the time he may catch on. I did like this though," she gestured towards her half-eaten dinner. "And I understand if you don't want me in LaPush," he was about to say something in response to that when she held up her hand to stop him. "I remember writing it in a letter to you that I was a monster back then. It was only recently that I really came to grips with that. I totally get that you may not wanting me around because of how I was then. I just," she seemed to pause and suddenly was unable to look him in the eye, before rushing on, " I just always wanted to say I was sorry in person but I was too chicken to ever…" She drifted off her face pinkening.

Jacob felt something stab through him. It took him a moment to recognize it as guilt for thinking all those nasty things about her while she was right there in front of him and for never reading any of her letters. They had stayed somewhere in the house but every time Billy suggested he open one, he had to take a walk lest he transformed in the house.

"Anyway," now she looked really embarrassed. "We should hang out again, sometime. I liked talking and not talking. We could rent HeadPunch?" Jacob laughed remembering that night.

"He really was a marshmallow wasn't he," Bella was snickering. Jacob smiled again and visibly felt himself relax.

"We should do that." She was red again for some reason as he leaned over the table to tug a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"Definitely," they both jolted when they suddenly heard Charlie and Billy war whoop at what they assumed was a T.V.

"I better go."

Before he realized what he was saying he was telling her, "I'll walk you out."

It was freezing outside as Bella toed on her heels and nearly wobbled on a patch of sleet. If it wasn't for her vamperic senses she would have face planted. He only now noticed the color of her truck. "Another red truck?" He was smiling again. She sniffed at him, "I like red trucks. Don't diss the truck."

As he waved her off, Jacob found himself thinking that maybe Bella hadn't changed that drastically at all and maybe she just grew up. He also knew that if that was the case, he was probably in trouble.

---


	7. Chapter 7 SMUTATSIC CHAPTER!

Chapter Seven: I Dream of Jacob

Here it is kiddlings! The smut scene that was promised so very long ago. Review if you love it! Thanks again to all the lovely comments from Renas Aslyum, Pace1818, TaycobGirl, MoonBunny666, avid reader, Pooks79, dreamertotheend, SHELAWEENA, Enchantress In Black, and brooklynsam3.

Big shoutouts to:

Pace1818: Thanks for the multiple comments. Jake isn't going to take Bella back with open arms, she's going to have to earn it but it is a Jacob/Bella fic. There is going to be a lot of angst ahead, promise!

Pooks79: Thanks for the lavish comments about this story being different. That's my goal. I don't want this fic to be a "Jacob-jumps-back-into-her-arms" bullshit story. That's crap in my opinion. If Bella didn't change and grow up A LOT since the end of the Twilight books then she doesn't deserve to be with Jacob.

MoonBunny666:

Thanks for the comments and you following the story

And of course Trini Li: You all should thank her. She's the one that forced me to put this up.

As Renas Asylum pointed out there are grammatical errors in this story. I hate that shit so I'm anally going back over the manuscript and when I have the time will re-upload and hopefully not lose all the comments.

*I need a beta! Anyone who is willing to look over this story is welcomed. I prefer someone who has written a lot but I'm taking anyone at this point*

---

They were running and she was in front of him, her brown locks whipping behind, an impish smile playing on her lips as glanced back at him.

_Catch me if you can Jacob_.

Her words made him lunge for her, but his fingers caught air again. So close. He was panting in exhaustion but he was still so agonizingly close he couldn't give up yet.

It was almost as if they were hunting but he didn't smell prey, he smelled her: her skin, jasmine, and something else that was exotic something he couldn't put his finger on.

_She's aroused. _The epiphany did something to him, and suddenly he felt a low growl in his throat. He was still, flexing the fingers in his hands, anticipating the moment they would touch her, push her down into the forest floor.

It wasn't infatuation. It wasn't even the sensual attraction he'd felt for other women. It was full blown animalistic lust.

With a burst of speed he caught her. Capturing her wrists with one hand, he thrust her against a tree.

Her moan spurred him on. His free hand pulled at the loose cotton blouse she was wearing until he ripped it open, rending fabric.

Not bothering to take it off, he pulled down the bra's cups exposing her breast and knelt to lick at her nipple. She tasted better then she smelled. And she was shaking. The realization made him smile, and ask her calmly, _"What's wrong Bella? Wolf got you tongue?" _

Her whimper made him chuckle darkly. Her eyes were turning gold, a perfect shade of white wine. Pushing himself against her, he took one of her hands, turned it palm up and kissed it, letting his teeth scrape slightly against her skin. _"You're mine,"_ he growled low. She was whimpering again, wriggling, struggling to move against him.

She shivered from the contact and attempted to retrieve her hand but he held it firm in his grasp, both of her wrists in his hands.

Jacob met her eyes, seeing his face reflected in them, eyes golden, _"Say that you're mine,"_ he wasn't asking. He was demanding.

He nuzzled his face into her throat, bending his head to kiss the hallow there, to press kisses up her neck and around her ear. His tongue darted out and licked her lobe and captured it gently in his teeth, he stopped, his voice pleading as he whispered, _"Please."_

---

Jacob woke up gasping in sweat soaked sheets. _What the fuck was that?_ Jacob glanced down at the large damp spot in his sheets. A wet dream at his age and one about Bella no less.

He was lucky it was so early because the idea of anyone catching him washing dirty sheets with obvious-type stains would be absolutely humiliating


	8. Chapter 8

A.N: I want to preface this by saying I'm not dead, I swear. I'm applying for graduate schools right now and I'm currently in my last semester of undergraduate. It's a lot of shit people. This fic is an official beast. It is at least a hundred pages. However, I'm feeding you chapter at a time so I can at least promise that I have more coming.

To all my reviews: Aww. I'm really happy that you guys appreciate. The smut's for you. Also the "Holy shit come back" made me laugh out loud. Anyone wanna beta? Still? Please?

Chapter 8: Sex dreams and Memories

Bella frowned at her easel again. It was a monstrous thing, this fifty by fifty canvas that she was painting for, "Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women," but they had wanted detail. She closed her eyes as she mixed her acrylic burnt sienna with the little water on her plastic pallet. Picturing the scene she smiled. Then her hand began to move with super-human speed and the outlines of a tree began to form and a woman pushed up against it, a strong male hand gripping delicate wrists. Bella's faced flushed as she thought back on the dream she'd had that morning. She shook the thoughts away, embarrassed and refocused on what she was doing.

Taking artistic liberties she dressed her male subject in shaggy fur headdress, shadowing the character's eyes, leaving just his strong chin and slightly smiling lips visible. Even without the eyes, anyone who saw it would know that was Jacob Black's smile.

She chuckled to herself, "And Mr. Wolf what great pecs you have." Little Red Riding Hood with Jacob Black as the wolf; reading the erotic fairy tale book last night, especially the erotic version of Little Red Ridinghood was probably why she was having vivid sex dreams. And they had been vivid but probably not as good at the real thing, Bella sighed. She was such a pervert.

She had just begun coloring Miss Ridinghood's cape when a familiar scent filled her nostrils: Jacob.

"Hey there Jake. What 'cha doing this morning," Bella called out to him on the stairwell. She heard the thudding of feet and turned in time to see him appear in her doorway. Glancing back at her easel, and then back at him she sighed. Mr. Wolf and Jake could be twins, maybe she should have taken more liberties with his face so that when the book hit the shelves she wouldn't have Billy ribbing her like crazy over what "inspired her."

"I can see that you're getting to work already."

"Yep." She motioned with her free hand for him to sit in the hair. She wiped the beads of sweat off her brow as she watched him reluctantly sit.

"No furniture though." He motioned to the boxes still half unpacked. Bella shrugged.

"I have a deadline on this piece and I had an interesting dream last night that inspired me. I figured I might as well get started."

Jacob smiled as he strode over to her easel that she was painting, "What kind of dream"-his face seemed to lose all of its color as he broke off mid-sentence.

"Jake, are you ok?"

He was quiet for a long moment and when he spoke his voice was uneven, "When did you decide I was going your subject?"

Bella could smell the carefully veiled anger a mile away and surprising more than a little fear. _He must think that I putting the clan in danger by connecting him with the wolf._

"Well," she laughed nervously staring at her toes, "I thought hot wolf guy and I thought you. I haven't had time to hire any men to sit for me since my move and well..." there was more awkward silence.

"I'm really sorry Jake. I figured you'd be flattered not mad. If you want I can start over and use a different model.

Jacob's eyes flashed gold and for a moment she wondered if she had angered him enough to provoke a transformation.

"Leave it," he growled. Then he was gone leaving her to wonder as she heard his motorcycle in the distance, "What set him off?"

When Jacob stormed into Sam's kitchen, Sam knew something was up. He was mad, sure, but the smell of fear was stronger than Sam had ever smelt off Jacob and although Jacob was always careful to guard his thoughts around Sam when he was upset, a few still managed to leak through.

_-Stupid sex dream. She couldn't have had the same stupid dream._

Sam, who had been buttering a biscuit, buttered his hand at this thought.

"Oh shit. Who is she?"

Jacob snatched the half buttered biscuit out of Sam's greasy hand and took a vicious bite, "No one. Quit poking my brain or I won't tell you anything."

Sam chuckled under his breath, "She has to be someone special for you to button you lip. But I'm sure that she couldn't resist your "Jacob-Black-Charm."

Jacob snorted. "She doesn't know about the dream Sam and if you want to live in people years you'll keep it that way."

Sam's smile dimmed a little. "Why don't you want her to know? You _are_ dating her, right?"

Jacob licked the crumbs off his fingers rubbed the remaining butter on his jeans. "Nope."

Sam's eyes widened.

"Tell me you at least got her number."

Jacob chuckled.

"Got it memorized." _Since I was fifteen and only 'cause I kept calling her and hanging up like a total loser. _

Sam's eyes widened, "That's good that you're serious about her. So you're at least friends."

Jacob shrugged taking the moment to explore Sam's fridge and open a jug of orange juice, "We were, once. I don't know about now."

"It isn't that Eleanor chick is it?"

Jacob coughed.

-"Because you know what shared sex dreams can mean right?"

"You need to take longer showers?" Sam blew out an exasperated sigh.

"Jacob, this is about imprinting."

The smell of fear flooded the room again.

"I've seen her after my changing. I can't have imprinted on her Sam. My dad always described it as total devotion and knowing that you'd do anything for her but," Jacob's voice was flat, "It's not like that. Not anymore at least."

Sam seemed to exhale through his nose and bite his tongue. "I've heard of _a _imprinting being delayed but it's very very rare. It could be the case."

Jacob seemed to ponder that for a moment. "Where'd you hear about that?"

"Your dad, actually."

Jacob nodded absently as he headed for the door and waved Sam off, "I sorry, I-I gotta go."

Chapter 9: Sex Dreams and Memories Part two

Billy was wheeling down the walkway when Jacob's motorcycle roared up. "Hey there! Slow down there, son! I'm already handicapped you know!"

Jacob unclipped his helmet and walked towards the house, "I guessing Sam called."

Billy's smile grew more sympathetic, "Sure did. He was worried about you."

Jake growled flexing his fingers, "Hey, hey. Don't break anything in the house you'll just have to fix it or replace it later Jacob."

Jacob flopped on the couch as Billy wheeled towards him with a beer. "How much did that douche bag tell you?"

Billy grinned. "Everything. Well, mostly. When are you going to tell Sam that Eleanor is your car and not your girlfriend?" Jacob snorted and rolled over on his stomach.

"So what's that the verdict dad? Am I imprinted to some girl?" The words were muffled by the couch cushions.

Billy clicked his tongue and chose his words carefully.

"I think it's a strong possibility. But if you don't think you are, you probably aren't, not all the way at least."

Jacob lifted his head from the cushions, "That has to be the best news I have heard all day. In fact, all week."

Billy wheeled himself over to the couch beside Jacob, "Imprinting in itself is pretty rare and you know that," Jacob shrugged as he popped open his beer.

"Yeah? So what. It still happens and sometimes wrecks peoples' lives in the process. Look at Sam."

"Sam's not happy? He seems pretty happy to me, Jacob."

"What about Leah? I'm sure she was _delighted _about his imprinting on her cousin."

Billy sighed, "Alls fair in love and war, son. Sam chose Emily, she chose him. It happens. It can hurt if you're on the other side, but it happens. 'Part of life. Like I was trying to explain to you is, although imprinting is rare, maybe five out twenty in the clan will experience it, delayed imprinting is almost unheard of," Billy took a sip of his beer.

"It happens though. Last time it happened there was quite a scandal."

"Your Grandpa Benjamin Black was a _real_ good looking man. And a real ladies man at that. You think it's bad with the women here gunning for you? You don't encourage them, while your Grandpa," Billy chuckled under his breath. "He was whole 'nother story. He'd have a different girl on his arm almost weekly but like you, he was a perpetual bachelor."

Jacob snorted.

"Anyway, no one thought anyone was _ever_ going to keep your Grandpa's attention when this big shot Edward Conroy and his young mistress Elizabeth, rolled into town."

Jacob choked on his beer, "What is with the name _Edward_? Does every old douchebag have that name?"

Billy laughed, "As I was saying, he was big shot, some rich oil tycoon looking for a country home to plant the his new mistress. And she was a good-looking girl but not the _most _beautiful girl out there. So obviously no one really worried about her being _the one_ including Benjamin. He was a handyman and one day when the big shot was at work, he got a call from the Conroy house that the mistress had dropped an earring in the sink. It was real diamond earring and she was obviously upset. So Benjamin swung on by and took apart the sink and returned it to her. They got to talking and became fast friends. "

"She didn't look down on him like a lot of the upper class women did then because his was a "Indian." Edward was an older man, in his late fifties, while she was in her early twenties. He gave her a comfortable life but she wasn't happy. She could often be seen on her porch pacing, and then later, walking alone in the woods."

"When your Grandpa became her friend that changed. She smiled all the time. She seemed just happy to have a friend because all of her friends were back at home in a small town in Massachusetts."

"And of course," Billy exhaled a sigh over his beer, "After a long friendship Benjamin made it clear that he wanted to court her. The clan may have liked her but discouraged a relationship because Benjamin was the head of the pack like you, and the relationship seemed doomed to fail. Elizabeth was a mistress to a rich white man and while Benjamin was highly respected and admired within LaPush, outside of it, he was just a "red skinned savage". There was speculation that he might have imprinted on her the first time they met when she had called him over, since ever since then she was a growing part of his life but he wasn't. Not truly."

"You see son, imprinting isn't easy for everyone just like falling in love isn't easy for everyone. Benjamin was a stubborn man used to getting his way with women and Elizabeth was not an easy woman. While she didn't love Edward, she was intensely loyal. It took a whole year of Ben calling on her to convince her to consider him. It might not have even have happened if it wasn't for the fact that Conroy had left her for that year to spend time with his _real _family. Even though her own had disowned her, she wouldn't leave Conroy not until there was a proposal of marriage from Grandpa Ben."

"Benjamin must have grappled with the idea but he didn't propose. She left the next summer with Conroy. It was rumored that he married her after his wife died and he died soon after leaving her with everything."

"Benjamin never married but every month he'd leave town to travel to Massachusetts. I'm sure you can guess why."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

"It took whole another year for him to propose. It was big wedding and it was obvious then that they were imprinted on each other. A year later she gave birth to me but she was twenty-eight by then and she died in childbirth. Your Grandfather never remarried and never was the same."

Billy and Jacob were quiet for a moment. Jacob broke the silence, "so what delayed the imprinting if she loved him?"

Billy shrugged, "If you go off the pack's theory at the time comparing the process of falling in love to imprinting then you could guess that your Grandpa was missing some of the things it takes to fall in love. And I do mean really fall, not that bullshit on soap operas or movies that happens easy and ends easy and everyone is fine when it ends. When a Black man falls in love for real: that's it. It happens once. Some could argue that is what imprinting is but imprinting just complicates it, from that moment on not only do you love her what ever she needs from you, not wants, needs you become: brother, friend, lover or husband."

Jacob took a deep swig of his beer, and stared at the empty bottle in his sweaty hands, "So what do you think it takes to fall in love?"

Billy laughed, "Any reason you're asking?"

"Just curious. You brought it up."

"Thought so. Son, like I said before falling love is difficult, first off there has to be trust. You can't trust someone you can't truly love them and vice versa. I'm guessing that Elizabeth shacking up with another man for three years put a damper on your Grandpa's trust. Not like it was her fault: she was a poor girl, Conroy had promised marriage and she'd believed him. She had also believed she was in love with Conroy. But after the mistress thing came to light her love dimmed because she stopped trusting him."

Billy held up another finger, "Going along with trust is loyalty. You need to trust them to be loyal no matter the situation. Ben thought that cause he was poor and Conroy was rich he'd never compete and didn't trust Elizabeth to draw her own conclusions. That's not love, son. That's infatuation or attraction."

"Finally you have to respect each other. She had a hard time respecting Ben because he had a hard time respecting her. At first they used each other emotionally," Billy snorted, "Physically." "But that's not love either. All those girls in Paris you wrote to me about, you talked about their beauty but not their brains or who they were. You didn't respect them. That's ok for a foreign fling but not for a soul mate, partner or wife."

Jacob counted off his own fingers "Trust, loyalty, and respect? That's it? Sounds more like a friend then a lover. What about attraction?"

"I figured you knew that part Jacob. I forgot one and it's really important."

"What?"

"You've got to be brave. Women these days can talk all they want about feminist thinking and that's good, but when it comes to romance you take the pressure off her and _you _make the first move. That's what makes you a man, being brave enough to take the first step and strong enough to take the rejection if it comes."

Jacob took mental inventory: he sure didn't trust Bella anymore not after her rejection of him and using him to help her husband, she was never loyal to him so he had no reason to be loyal to her, and he didn't respect her after she went back to Edward after Edward had left her for dead leaving him to pick up the pieces. He felt far form brave around her generally he wanted to run in the opposite direction."

"I'm not in love? Thank you god!" Jacob exhaled the weight off his chest had lifted.

Billy snorted, "Nope, just shallow lust and teenaged infatuation like you've always been."

"So what do the shared sex dreams mean then? I mean, how could I be imprinted on her if I'm not in love?" Jacob rose from his porch seat.

Billy shook his head, "It just means that you _could_ love her and she _could _love you. It's up to you to take that next step now that she's open to it and hopefully not screw it up. I know you think Bella's the enemy, son, but she's not. She's grown up and gone through a lot of crap in the process."

"How you know"-

"What that it was Bella you've been sulking about? It's always been Bella. She rolls back in town: you _suddenly_ are worried about imprinting and falling in love and shared sex dreams? You heard my warning before about her, but really listen this time: Bella's a good girl. Don't mess around with her if you don't have serious intentions."

Billy sighed as he watched Jacob sprint over to his motorcycle knowing full well that he hadn't heard him.

Jacob returned home four or five hours later from patrolling the forests of LaPush a broad smile lighting up his features. He idly plucked his sheets from the clothesline and exhaled again, _He wasn't in love with Bella. He had never been in love with Bella. _The thought made him sigh again with relief. He didn't have to worry anymore. She had never really cared about him and he had never really loved her. He could be her friend and not have to be guarded twenty-four seven in her presence.

He then remembered how she'd ditched him for Edward. _Or not be her friend. _ In any case, he wasn't afraid of her anymore. He didn't have to wonder anymore if that crush was more than a crush, if he could have imprinted on her. He had a choice in the matter, and his choice was that he didn't want her. He wasn't the same Jacob Black who had followed Bella around like a puppy and lied to his buddies about her being his girlfriend. He was different now. He knew when to give up and he had given up years ago when she'd married that rich loser. Even though he'd hurt her, and led her to trouble on any given day. Jacob Black was different now, he knew when he wasn't wanted and didn't hang around waiting for that to change.

He didn't check his phone messages till morning. When he did, he found hers, _"Hey Jake. Ummm… I just wanted to apologize if I offended you about the 'Erotic Fairy Tales' cover. But got me to thinking, the publishing house just commissioned me a bunch of illustrations for the book and I was wondering if you'd like to model. It wouldn't be anything big, I'd take some posed pictures on my camera and then paint them out later, and I'd pay you really well. I know you already have a job, but money is money right? Anyway, if you can't do it or don't want to, no hard feelings. Just a thought. Gimme a call back though if you're interested. Thanks." _

Jacob snorted through his nose as he punched in a text message with his thumbs, "Sorry, Bells but I'm busy." _Busy getting on with my life, _he thought to himself with a grim smile.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:No Glove. No Love

"Did that guy you were talking about call back about the job? " Marissa Pang, Bella's agent asked. "Because you were absolutely right about him. Even with these generic pictures of you two, it's obvious he's model material. Where'd you find him?"

Bella laughed, "We were friends growing up and re-met when I moved back to Forks in high school." Bella sighed, "Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to use the agency instead because he said he was too busy right now. It's really too bad because I really wanted to use him for the Little Red Riding Hood illustrations."

"Ok. So what kind of girls do you want for the shoots?" Bella's mind skipped a beat. _That's right, I needed to hire the female models. I'm such a bubble-head today._ "Ummm…" Bella took a moment to compose her thoughts.

"Well, I wanted a blonde for Goldilocks and The Three Barons, maybe an Asian for Snow White but so long as she fits the description you know: fair skin, black hair, delicate looking. I also want a brunet for East of the Sun and West of the Moon and Red Riding Hood. I sent over the cover so that we can match up a model for Red Riding Hood, _That I unconsciously made to look like me and Jacob. Idiot hormones. _

"Ookie-doike. I'll send your specifications over the some modeling agencies near by. You do realize that you're going to have to deal with _a lot_ of models here, Bella? I mean the publishing house is fine with it so long as the product is superb, but I mean," Bella sighed, "I know, it's a lot to juggle. And models are a handful." _The whining, the bitching, the huffy sulking if you give them a little too much direction. _

"But hey, there's only two illustrations that have more than two people."- "Thirteen male models, Bella. Are you sure you want to this at your studio in LaPush?"

"Of course. Why shouldn't it be there? I have everything set up, there's plenty of room. I've unpacked everything."

Marissa sighed, for such a worldly girl, Bella Swan was sometimes incredibly naive. Marissa had never been to LaPush but she could imagine the small town gossip if thirteen very sexy men had paraded into a young divorce's apartment followed by five women.

"I'm just saying try to be discrete. You don't want to kill you elderly neighbor by giving her a heart attack."

Bella laughed, "Hardly. I think she'd sit in the hallway just to check out each of their butts as they march up the stairs. She's shameless. The models should be here the day after tomorrow, though right?"

Marissa shook her head, Bella hadn't gotten that well placed hint. "Sure thing. And Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"Good luck."

A brilliant smile lit up Bella's face. "Thanks."

Jacob had hoped to avoid Bella Swan this week especially since he had a hot date tonight and the last thing he wanted to think about her.

However, fate was not cooperating. Jacob had a basketful of canned goods and food when he remembered why he'd gone to the Forks Walmart to begin with. He had just grabbed a large box of condoms from the shelf when he spied her standing about ten feet away, tilting her head to one side as she weighted a box of Kimono condoms in one hand and diaphragms in the other. Her basket was full of votive white candles, some apples, a bottle of cheap champagne, and a pair of black satin lined handcuffs.

"Hot date tonight?"

Bella's face flamed as she spun around, her hand pressed to her chest. He could tell she had been painting because the fumes of acrylic paint and her perfume almost masked her scent.

"N-no. Just thinking about…stuff."

Jacob felt his lips twitch and decided to close the distance, putting about an inch between his lips and her ear as he whispered, "What kind of stuff?"

Bella looked shocked and seemed to stiffen before she snapped out of it, "Jeez Jake, you're making me claustrophobic!"

She wiggled away from his grasp; an irritated frown on her face as she hastily grabbed the petroleum jelly, dropped it in her basket, and took off toward the self-checkout line.

"Looks like you're going to wine and dine someone," Jacob made his voice light but felt a twinge.

"And it looks like you have food and condoms for the next apocalypse." She was rolling her eyes. "Besides, only the wine is for me, the rest is for work." Bella smiled as she scanned the Vaseline and dropped it the into a plastic bag, "And Jake?"

He glanced up at her sweet but obviously irritated tone, "What?"

"Good luck with your date. No glove no love right?" She laughed at his shocked expression and proceeded to stride out the doors with a smile.

It was Saturday that Jacob started hearing the rumors, that so-and-so had seen Bella in the sex store in Forks, "She was stocking up on bondage gear, flipping through the adult catalogues and ordering costumes like some cheap call girl!"

Jake hadn't really listened to that rumor because there were a million girls that looked like Bella with brown hair and brown eyes. It could have been anyone.

The other rumors he wouldn't have believed if Sam and Billy and Nadia Williams from the apartment below Bella's, hadn't seen it with there own eyes, Bella ushering seven young men up to her apartment.

The two girls that followed were the last straw.

"Bells? You up there?" He heard moaning and giggling from the first floor and to his alarm, a parade of tanned men followed by a young blonde in rumpled clothes trotted down the stairs.

"G-hod that was long. She takes forever doesn't she?"

"But to-tall-ly worth it.

The other boys laughed as they made their way to the car.

Now Jake way taking the steps two by two and then four by four feeling, an insistent buzzing in the back of his mind.

Bella was dating very young these days.

Chapter 10 No Glove. No Love Part 2:

Beware reader: SMUT AHEAD!

Boys call me sexy (_What up sexy_)

And I don't care what they say

Acting -and feeling - and treatin this way

When I was young I wanted attention

_Ah ah ah ah ah_

Bella surveyed the damage, if she folded up the plastic sheet with the Vaseline and took the restraints off her bedposts the apartment would almost look cozy. _I still need to do laundry though. _

The whole house smelled like teenaged hormones, lip-gloss and photography chemicals. The vampire nose thing could be a downer, Bella had discovered early on.

Not that she had ever found the wolf pack or Jacob Black to smell as bad as any of the Cullens had played it up to be.The pack, when they were together could be a bit overwhelming, but Jacob alone didn't smell nearly as bad as the Cullens had claimed.

_I knew that they were just being mean. Jake never smelt like a wet dog. _Better for the wolves to smell like dogs, then for them to smell like food like all her young models did. Jake didn't smell like food or as much like a dog as the other wolves, _More like,_ she paused, deep in thought about what Jacob smelt like to her, _dirt, salt, pine needles, aftershave, Tide laundry soap and something else. _

She caught a whiff of it and without thinking, deeply inhaled. _Sex? Was that the missing smell? _What the hell did she know about sex after only having it once? With a frustrated growl, Bella tore the plastic sheet off the bed and tossed it in the hamper.

"Dating a bit young these days aren't we Bells?"

"God, Jake," Jacob's low voice in her door way made her start. "You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing around here?"

Jacob was already making his way towards her, "You have better senses now than just about anyone, right Bells?," He closed the door with a click behind him.

-"So why is it then that I not only hear rumors bout you in a sex shop and picking up high school kids," He closed the gap between them as his hand planted on the wall above her head, "I can _smell_ the sex off them?"

Bella's first thought was a desperate. "_I can explain!" _But then seeing him in her house, in her face, thinking he could cow her into submission with an idle threat…A growl of her own was starting to work it's way into her throat, You wanna be an assuming jerk Jake. _Fine by me. Two can play at that game._

Jake watched her face go from pale to self-satisfied within seconds. "They were all eighteen Jake."

Jacob's eyes flashed amber then gold. _She has to be bluffing. She didn't just have sex with eight people. Bella's too sweet. _

"I think we both know that you don't do things like that Bella," it was said between gritted teeth.

Bella carefully placed a lock of brown hair behind her ear. Her eyes widened marginally and her lower lip pouted, just slightly, a face of pure innocence.

"Really Jake?," She angled her head so that her eyes met his.

"Cause the way I see it, I'm divorced, single, and it's a free country. And as for claiming to know me at all, well, I did marry Edward and he was going to be _seventeen _forever," Her voice was becoming somehow more vampiric and bell-like the angrier she became. "And if I remember correctly, you were only _sixteen_ when _we _dated."

"For all you know," her eyes flashed at him, "I'm into young tail!"

Jacob's hands began to shake as the unwilling image of _his _Bells scoping out the local high school, leaning against her red truck and flirting with seventeen-year old football players.

"You're just saying that to piss me off Bells," Even his voice was shaking as he stood there, staring at her pleased and challenging expression.

"Really Jake? Am I?"

A growl suddenly ripped through his throat and his whole body began to tremble like a guitar string just plucked. The rage was filling up everything inside him, his skin was burning, his eyes focusing on hers. Instinctively he was backing away. The tiny voice in the back of his head chanting to calm down to get away from her before he transformed.

But Bella wasn't backing away. She was coming closer.

Suddenly, her lips were on his and his fingers were in her hair as she roughly dragged him to her, by his shirt. It was a violent kiss but he wasn't resisting. For all the hardness of her skin, it wasn't like the other bloodsuckers at all. It was both incredibly soft and strong. And her smell, it was sweeter like the other vampires, but not overwhelmingly so. It was just intense. He half expected her to break off the kiss and punch him in the face like she had the last time. _It'd still be worth it, _a small part of him argued.

When he was kissing her, it was as if nothing had changed in the seven years they had been apart. He kept waiting and waiting for Ol' Ed to pop up out of the woodwork to take her back, for her to make some lame excuse for why she was stomping on what was left of his heart again, and then punch him and re-break her hand. He kept waiting but it didn't happen, the kiss didn't end, until he broke it off gasping for air.

And Bella took a step back her eyes filled with chagrin. He watched as her expression had go from insatiable to dejected within moments, the change was only visible for a few seconds before she carefully masked it. It was then the stupid excuse came:

"I'm guessing you're calm now so if you don't mind I need to clean up."

_All that to calm me down?_ He began shaking again with rage at the her stupid, selfish, insensitivity, when he noticed the unnecessarily breathes she kept taking, the flexing of her fingers and the hurt that lay in her honey eyes that cut his rage down to the quick.

"I guess you should be"-

-"Shut up" he growled. And then he was grabbing her by the arms to shove her against the wall to kiss her again. Her hands were everywhere this time, up his shirt and scratching the planes of his rigid back. Their kissing seemed to intensify with the seconds, as Jacob inhaled a familiar smell of her arousal that made him growl under his breath. Then he was tearing the buttons off her shirt and kissing her nape, nibbling on the damp skin there.

How he wanted to rush this, how he wanted to devourer her. It was worse then the need to transform because both sides of him, the wolf and the human were one mind this time. They both wanted her but he wouldn't take her, not like this.

"Bella," Jacob's moan against her skin was rough and sounded like he was dying of thirst. "Tell me to stop, Bella. If you don't want me, tell me to stop now because I don't know if I'll be able to stop later."

Her answer was to kiss him deeper to his her teeth graze his throat. "Don't stop." It was barely a whisper but it was what he needed.

Bella's legs locked around his waist he eased her backward onto her bed, unbuttoning her jeans, ripping off her bra.

Jacob's kisses were everywhere, and as many times as he had fantasized, as many times as he imagined her moaning his name, that weed that could not be killed by Edward or even himself, was killed by the reality: sex with Bella wasn't as good as the fantasy.

It was better.

At first, Bella'd seemed almost nervous as he eased on top of her, and he swore she flinched as he slid inside her, he had to remind himself that she had been separated for almost two years before she divorced Edward.

Even so though, she was impossibly tight. Panting, he'd willed himself to stay still. She had taken a minute to adjust and then taken the lead from there, flipping him on his back to grind into him and race him towards his fastest orgasm since puberty. Thank god she was just as eager, practically crying as she climaxed, shuttering with release.

If it had only been one time, he could have excused it as left over hormones from the teenaged love that never was. Even twice he could have lied to himself and said that it was all her that _she _seduced _him_.

But it wasn't once or twice. It was the whole night. As insatiable as he was for her, she was for him. They had sex on her bed, on the floor, up against the bathroom door. Their clothes were more shredded if both of them had transformed into wolves.

And when it was all said and done she lay in his arms, her slightly colder skin was a relief from his internal furnace.

"Mmm?" Her eyes were closed in exhaustion.

His ears kept picking up on an insistent humming, fast like a bird or a mouse. He pressed his ear to Bella's chest and gaped at the new realization.

-"It's, it's still beating. How can you be a vampire and you still have a heartbeat?"

Bella sighed. "Technically I'm not really a vampire."

Jacob glanced down startled.

"Half-vampire is what Edward and Carlisle think. Remember when I told you about how Edward couldn't read my mind when I was human? Well things didn't happen exactly as planned when he turned me. The Volturi think that it's because I have natural abilities to 'shield' myself from other vampire's special abilities and that because of that instead of being a full vampire, no aging, sparkly skin, I'm a freak. My skin, although hard, isn't sparkly, I can survive off of human food or blood, and I should stop aging soon but until then I'm just a human with a taste for raw meat."

Jacob lay in silence next to her. "Why do you sound so angry about it? It sounds like a pretty good deal to me. You get to see Charlie. Even if your eyes aren't the same you don't look seventeen"

"And my ex-husband did. He turned me and I still aged! And you, you look like you're still twenty-two or so, I look older than you even. Like that's going to change. Plus there were all these problems with this half vampire thing. Alice couldn't see my future anymore because of it."

Jake coughed again in surprise and then smiled, "Really? You mean like she can't see us she can't see you?"

Bella nodded. "And then the Volturi was interested in me being a threat to them and I had to go to Italy to straighten that out." Her eyes flashed angrily.

They lay in silence again as Jacob sighed. Bella hadn't really changed. She was still a weirdo and still scared of getting old.

"_I _think you look younger than me. Besides I thought we agreed years ago that I was more mature than you anyway."

They lay in silence again and Jacob was suddenly acutely aware that they were both naked. It was silly to be self conscious now after hours and hours of attacking each other and yet, he hadn't really been thinking then, just riding off his emotions and hormones.

"Now what?" Her plaintive question asked what he, himself, was afraid to.

"I don't know." He sighed and watched her head ease slowly downward with his expulsion of air.

"Are we still friends?" This time Bella's question was muffled in his chest as she had turned.

"Duh," he snorted.

"Are we anything else?" her question was soft into his skin again.

He had to think about that. Did he want to be 'anything else' than a friend to Bella right now? He wasn't sure. Being a friend alone seemed to have drained him almost completely of his patience as it was. And what about her? She was newly divorced, a new half vampire, it would overwhelm anyone. Not to mention all the times she had hurt him before, without sex. Fear found its way into Jacob's heart where contentment had been resting.

What if he fell in love with her now and she left him again? The separation of an imprint from its mate was said to be excruciating, so much so that it was tribal law that the pack was to support imprints and their mates or there would be severe consequences.

Hearing this, knowing this, Jacob weighed his words carefully.

"What am I to you?"

Bella expelled another sigh.

"I'm not sure, my best friend? What am I to you?"

Jacob thought on that: a best friend, unrequited love, first love, possible imprint, and concluded that she was his worst fears neatly bundled up in a female.

"My best friend," he'd settled for that rather than to offend her by telling her the whole truth.

Bella sighed. "Do you regret doing what we did?"

"I regret rushing into it but no, I don't completely regret it."

Bella groaned into his skin, "The whole pack is going to know aren't they? Damn it. That means Billy will know, and then Charlie will know, and then all of Forks will know."

Jacob laughed bitterly, "Pack mind is a bitch sometimes. I can tell them not to tell my dad and we can keep it between us." The idea was appealing, he had to admit, having Bella to himself without having to worry about Billy or Charlie butting in.

"If that's what you want," he cut in quickly.

Bella nodded. "I just want privacy and a new start. The last few years have been really hard. I just want to live my life without judgment," her voice seemed to waver and take on the quality Jacob recognized as the voice she had when she was left broken from Edward after he abandoned her in the woods.

"So is this going to be our secret?"

Bella snorted. "I wouldn't exactly call it a secret since your pack will know but yes, I would prefer if Charlie didn't know."

Jacob nodded, and then grinned. "Does this mean a lot a lot of late night visits?"

Bella's laugh was lush and sweet. "I would say my door is always open but you already have the key."

From then on there was an agreement. He would come to visit, make her food, they would make love and he would leave early in the morning before anyone could catch him. Often times they had to juggle both of their schedules since she had a deadline for a book fast approaching and he had the onslaught of customers to deal with at Black Wolf Garage.

It was easy this routine, easy and comfortable as well as addictive.

"You sneaking in again?" Billy's voice was loud from the kitchen as Jacob nimbly climbed through the living room window.

Jacob sighed inwardly. The last month of avoiding this subject was too good to be true. " 'Snot sneaking in if it's my house," Jacob said lightly. He was silently praying that the shower he had taken with Bella that morning had been enough to clean the heady smell of sex off of him.

Billy wheeled around to meet him as Jacob strode to the kitchen to raid the fridge. "So are you two dating or is it just for the sex?" Billy's question was both light-hearted and steely in tone. Jacob clenched his fist around the refrigerator door handle in an effort not to phase then quickly released it when he realized that he was reshaping it into his hand.

"I know you wish she was your daughter-in-law, and you feel the need to protect me,but please do us both a favor, dad, and butt out." Billy wheeled around to block Jacob's escape. His face was sympathetic.

"Don't get me wrong son, I love you, but you're barkin' up the wrong tree this time. Isabella Swan is an adult. She can make her own choices," Billy sighed. "Even though I know this one _will_ make Charlie come after you with a baseball bat if you screw around with her head."

"Please explain to me why it's always me hurting her and not her hurting me?" Jacob grabbed a bag of chips off of the top of the refrigerator. "I mean, am I really that bad? Because last time I checked I wasn't the one that left a trail of broken hearts in her wake at the local high school."

Billy rolled his eyes, "You know Jake, this whole woe is me crap is getting old fast. I understand that she hurt you"-

-"No, dad," his voice was tight. "She destroyed me. Plain and simple, one day she was every thing I lived for and the next life wasn't worth living. Her leaving…", he drifted off unable to find the words.

Billy pinched the bridge of his nose, "So what is this then? Revenge for her running off without you? I knew you could be petty, Jacob but messing with her head isn't how I taught you to treat women."

Jacob's eyes about fell out of his head at that comment. "God, Dad! Do you really think that I'd…Shit! What kind of asshole do you take me for? Am I mad about it? Duh. But it's not like that between us now! Not like this is any of your business to begin with." Jacob paced around the tiny kitchen now, his bare feet silent as he made a tight circle from the kitchen counter, fridge, and then table.

_Did people really think that's what it was between Bella and him? That he was keeping it a secret so he could burn her later like she burned him?_ Whatever confused feelings he had for Bella, even the angry petty ones that weren't completelysure about a full blown relationship, he'd never contemplated doing something like Billy suggested.

Billy watched his son pace, his eyes a light with interest and whistled through his teeth, "That's good news. For a moment I was afraid I was going to hit you myself. If you don't mind me asking then,"

-"I do," Jacob continued pacing with fierce little steps.

"What are you doing then? Because if this is your idea of romancing a woman, it's no wonder she chose the bloodsucker. I mean, what do you guys do eat frozen pizza at her house every night after you, you know?"

Jacob pulled a disgusted face from the kitchen counter and glanced back over his shoulder. "First off, gross. And second off no," Jacob pressed the fingers of his right hand into his eyes. "I cook for her when I come over. I buy the groceries and we generally eat in."

Billy paused in his train of thought. He wondered if his bone-head of a son realized that he already was doing things for Bella that he didn't do for other women. After Bella had chosen Edward over Jacob, Billy had been worried, knowing that Jacob had to be in an incredible amount of pain to phase wolf and refused to phase back. He also knew that it was the grief that Jacob had felt over losing Bella that had made Sam agree to take over the pack a little longer when Jacob hid out in Canada and then Europe for almost a year.

He'd hoped that the meaningless flings and a change of scenery would help. And it did. But Billy also knew that Jacob wasn't the same. The sunny disposition Jacob had since he was an infant was clouded first by the burden of being a protector for the tribe and then completely eclipsed by the consuming grief he felt by the loss of Bella.

Now she was back and somehow, despite her turning, she remained mostly unchanged. Still naive, sweet, and a magnet for trouble. Billy shook his head over the image of Bella the vampire running around in the woods eating mountain lions and cougars.

Billy Black had heard rumors of what had happened to cause her return from Charlie. He knew enough to know that the grief Jacob felt over losing his first love was petty over the grief she must have felt losing a child. He also knew that she probably told Jacob in her letters but that because Jacob never read them, he didn't know and she would probably would want to avoid the subject as much as possible in ordinary conversation.

Before he could breech the subject again and plead with his son to open the bundle of letters Bella had sent him, Jacob had heard the phone ring and was bounding off to answer it.

"Jacob Black speaking." Billy watched his son lean on the side of the kitchen wall as he cradled the phone with his shoulder. His son's dark brown eyes lit up and a slow warm smile began to play on his lips, "Hey there, Bells. I get off around eight." His smile was becoming more and more prominent. "Yeah, I could do that. I'll bring some food by." Jacob had already grabbed a pen and a pad of paper. His son's low chuckle made Billy roll his eyes.

A sudden wolf howl diverted both of their attentions and Billy could hear the plaintive sound of a Sam calling out to Jacob. Jacob instinctively bristled and sighed, "You heard it too huh, Bells? What? Nothing, It's just Sam ruining my life again. He wants a meeting _right now_. Yeah, I'll still drop by. It might take a little longer since I'll need to grab the groceries. You sure? Okay then."


	10. Chapter 10

**A.N.**

**So after a crazy long hiatus I have decided to publish what I had left. This fic is still incomplete. Part of me doesn't know if I'll finish it only because my writing has thankfully, improved since that time. I am giving you guys 30 pages of chapter. Again, if someone would beta I will finish the fic. But as of now I am a full time grad student (YEA ME) trying to finish my thesis. **

Sam wasn't exactly a happy person by nature. This was the reason that Jacob balanced him out. Sam was logical while Jacob had natural instinct and talent. Sam could be a bit of a pessimist while according to Bella; Jacob was like an earth bound sun with his bright smile. Emily had made all the difference for Sam. When she was around, his hard nature smoothed out and he became more easy going and gentle. However, Emily wasn't around today.

"Sam?" Jacob met him deep into the woods, his human eyes meeting the eyes of a pure black wolf. Before his eyes, Sam shimmered and adjusted to a human form.

"I need to talk to you about Bella Swan Cullen."

Jacob immediately bristled. "She changed her name back. She's just Bella Swan now."

Sam sighed. "I know that you two have an _arrangement_. But that aside, how do you feel about Bella?"

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Do you need to really ask Sam? Come on, you know with 'Pack Mind' I can't hide any of my feelings from you guys. _You _tell _me. _Why does it matter anyway?"

Sam sighed. "A group of Vampires are making their way towards Forks. The Cullens have warned us but one of them is a Denali. Her name is Irina. Apparently, the big bloodsucker we got a few years back was her mate. She has approached the Voulturi about our pack and they decided that we were not a threat, so now she is coming here without her coven to attack you."

Jacob sighed. "What does this have to do with Bella?"

"The Denali's and the Cullen's were close friends. Since Bella used to be a Cullen by marriage an still maintains ties with them I wanted to ask her to try to reason with Irina."

-"No." Jacob's face was set in stone. "No. No. And hell no. Bella isn't going anywhere near Irina."

Sam expelled a sigh as Leah and Seth were fast approaching in wolf form. Seth transformed back and turned to Sam.

"'Told you he wasn't gonna go for it."

Jacob turned his back as Leah began to phase out next to her brother.

"Well duh, Seth. The whole pack knows that Bella is Jake's _girlfriend_." The way she said the word made it sound like they were seven again and she was about to accuse Jacob of k-i-s-s-i-n-g Bella.

Sam growled. "Leah, shut up."

Leah's eyes went angry and hurt and Seth stepped between them.

"You're the alpha now so your say is final," Sam's tone was both diplomatic and forceful, "But think about what's the best for the pack. If Irina comes after you the whole pack is in danger. Bella is the only Cullen left around Forks. Irina knows her. Plus, Bella has abilities that can help us."

Jacob's head was spinning as he saw Bella, small delicate boned Bella, going up against other vampires. He'd had always protected her from vampires. First from Victoria and then from the newborns Victoria had spawned. The idea of Bella turning around and protecting him just went against the grain. _What if she got hurt? What if she died? She could die still couldn't she?_

The thought turned his blood to ice. His eyes were hard he turned to Sam.

"No," it was spoken with the double timbre of the alpha. Even as the order left his lips Jacob felt stabs of regret and guilt. "Please leave Bella out of this. She isn't a full vampire according to the Cullens so we don't know if she's as immortal as them," Jacob's voice was soft now.

Sam nodded but Jacob knew that the discussion wasn't over.

Bella smiled as she surveyed the six paintings, still wet from recent detailing. Goldilocks and the three Barons, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella, East of The Sun and West of the Moon, and the Goose Girl were all done. She glanced at the cover portrait of her and Jake and smiled.

Without really thinking, she took out another pre-stretched and primed canvas and took out a little burnt sienna on her palette and set to painting.

Her hand lighting fast began to make out the outlines of Jacob's body, the hard planes of his stomach, the v line of his hips, the broad definition of his shoulders. She had switched to burnt umber when a familiar scent wafted through.

"Hello Jake."

Jacob paused to stare at the canvas. Then glanced back at Bella. Her brown honey eyes were darker with hunger.

"You should go hunt."

Bella sighed, pausing to put down her brush and stretch her fingers.

"I should. But I have a feeling that Sam and the Pack are out dealing with something you want to talk to me about. I can dine on people food."

Jacob strode closer as Bella made her way to her fridge and pulled out a raw steak.

"It's leftover boar from a night ago," she explained as she placed the slab on a plate and cut it up into pieces before eating the bloody meat. Jacob smirked in amusement.

"I never heard of a bloodsucker planning ahead for leftovers."

Blood dribbled down her lips and stained them as she swiftly dabbed with a paper napkin.

"They don't generally. Because they hunt for blood. Also most vampires weren't always 'vegetarian' so they tend to enjoy hunting as a part of eating. Like I mentioned before, I'm different. I can eat or I can drink blood. Human food doesn't taste as good as it used to and it doesn't always quench the thirst I have for blood unless it's raw meat. I prefer to hunt but it's not always easy. Humans hiking up on a trail could be disastrous. Just their smell," she pursed her lips as her eyes turned almost black. "It's very lucky for me that you don't smell like that and according to Alice, I have unnatural restraint. Just the smell of a normal human makes my throat feel like I'm eating fire. It makes you crazy. You just want it to stop and hunting humans feels good."

"Not like I ever have," her eyes were slowly turning back to their golden hue. I don't have the benefit of a coven looking after me to prevent a disaster like that. If, heaven forbid I were to lose control over my senses around a human or worse Charlie or Rene," Bella paused in eating; her eyes clouded and became distant. Jacob watched as she stood slightly less graceful than usual and stood perfectly still for a moment just thinking.

"The pack always looks out for you Bella," Jacob wondered if she was thinking about how alone she was now without the Cullens for support.

She smiled weakly. "We both know that the pack's interest first and foremost lie in the protection of humans. I think we also know that if isn't wasn't for the fact that I maintain the same life style as the Cullens and processes unusual powers beneficial to the pack, you and Sam wouldn't let me near Forks, let alone LaPush and I understand that." Bella's tone was matter of fact. She herself had accepted the fact that she could never be a true member of the wolf pack the way Emily was. She could no longer count on being protected by the Pack the way she was before.

Jacob swallowed slowly trying to find his words. "I would have fought Sam on the issue. I'm the alpha now. You would have been let into Forks."

Bella's eyes suddenly lost their warmth. "I think we both know that is a bold faced lie Jacob," her voice was soft.

"I think we both know that you blame the Cullens and me for your transformation and I understand that. It's easy to point fingers at the 'vampires.' The reality of it is that you and your pack are biased. You most of all. You blame Edward and even yourself for things that were out of both of your control. It was not your fault that your genes reacted with Edward's the way they did. It was not Edward's fault for being what he is. And it is not my fault I fell in love with him first. I'm truly sorry for the pain I caused you Jacob. But don't regret loving Edward and I don't regret becoming a vampire. Because if I hadn't met and fallen in love with Edward I wouldn't have become so close to you."

Jacob wasn't sure was to say or think so he said nothing.

"Irina Denali wants me dead." It was the first sentence he could think of after a lengthy pause.

Bella's brow furrowed as she made a thoughtful sound, "I'd figured she'd come after you, since you killed her mate. I was hoping though that Edward had persuaded her otherwise. The Cullen's and the Denalis are close as families."

"You're not surprised. This crazy bloodsucker is coming from Alaska to kill me and you look like I just told you there's a sale down at Nordstrom's."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Well how do you expect me to react Jacob? Scared? I'm nervous, but I know that one vampire vs. the whole wolf pack isn't good odds. Not to mention Irina isn't the type of vampire I'd worry about. The Voulturi maybe. But Irina who's slower than Alice in a fight with no power and without her coven to back her. I'm sorry if I sound jaded but I think if you spoke with her she would back down."

"And if she doesn't back down?" His tone was bleak.

Bella shrugged. "Then we make her back down."

It was the way she said it, _we _make her back down that made Jacob smile. Like they were a team. For once he was the one worried about a fight and she was the one saying to bring it on.

"I'm assuming that's what Sam called you for?"

Jacob nodded. "He wanted me to convince you to work with the pack to help us try to reason with her."

Bella walked her plate to the sink.

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't want you to."

Bella snorted. "Jake, honestly, now more than ever you don't need to worry about me. My skin isn't like the Cullens' but it's still hard as marble. I'm not going to break if Irina tries something."

"I don't want to risk it."

Bella wrapped her arms around his neck and her lips met his in a warm and sweet kiss.

"It's sweet of you to want to protect me." Her words were muffled against his neck. But her eyes were serious as she met his. "Sweet but unnecessary. I'll met with Irina for the pack when she comes."

They didn't have to wait long.

* * *

It was late summer and the autumn leaves were starting to turn when Bella felt a distinct feeling of unease in her studio apartment.

_By the twitching of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes. _

Sure enough the phone rang early the next day at promptly two in the morning and it was Alice, her voice plaintive. No premonitions this time, but rather actual fact that Irina had been seen less than five hundred miles north of Forks and LaPush.

The news both scared and steadied her. If Irina was making that good of time, not caring if her family or the Cullens saw her, then her resolve to kill Jacob must be more than firm. It must have been set in stone.

Bella thanked Alice and moved quickly to her closet for a pair of sturdy stretch jeans she wasn't particularly attached to. She removed her jewelry and did her hair in a sturdy ponytail. She was lacing her sneakers when she heard the wolves howling. Not even bothering to use the door she leaped out her window and headed in the direction of first beach in an all out sprint.

Jacob was running when he spotted Bella, graceful, ruthlessly dodging rocks and boulders to catch up with the pack. He was already transformed so he couldn't speak but the expression she wore, one of single-minded determination hinted that she wouldn't have heard him even he had spoken.

The wolves, huge and imposing made a line down the beach their large eyes yellow in the dim light warily watching Irina's head bob in the sea. She seemed to be swimming towards them.

Without thinking Bella stood in front of the wolves and in front of Jacob who stood in the center of line.

As Irina stepped onto cold sandy beach Bella warily took stock of her expression. No sadness, no regret, just resolute anger and rage.

"I don't want to hurt you Bella, you being like a cousin by marriage but you need to step aside." There was hint of a threat behind the words.

Bella smiled politely. "I see you as family too Irina which is why I came here and why I will have to decline."

* * *

Jacob's mind was spinning with the many thoughts of his pack.

_What's Bella doing?_

**Is she nuts? **

_**She is a vampire now. Or half or whatever. **_

**Ten bucks she kicks that Alaska chick's ass.**

The invading thoughts were making him dizzy.

_-SHUT UP SO I CAN HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!_

The wolves promptly quieted their thoughts mostly eager although Sam and Jacob were mostly wary.

Irina bristled as Bella's refusal to move. "I don't want to fight you Irina, and if we do, the pack _will _kill you. Jacob is their leader. What he did when he killed James, he did to protect the pack and me. So your fight isn't with him, it's with me."

Jacob tried to step in front of Bella, but she merely sidestepped him without looking back.

Irina's expression suddenly changed from cold anger, to hot disbelief.

"I see how it is. You choose him this time didn't you, you slut? Discarded Edward pretty fast and hooked up with this dog. Okay. I'll play it your way. Try and protect him"

Faster than Jacob's eyes could follow Irina lunged for him her bony stone hands making their way towards his face. But just before they touched they were retracted and literally ripped off Irina's body. Bella's eyes glowed as she neatly snapped Irina's neck and then proceed to rip her literally limb from limb. The wolves watched both fascinated and horrified at the violence capable of tiny five foot Bella. Taking out a stainless steel lighter she flicked it open and threw in on the remains. And as the carcass erupted in flames. Within seconds Irina was engulfed and then gone. Bella was gone too already making her way up the road.

**I'd like my ten bucks now Leah.**

The collective "SHUT UP SETH," seemed deafening in Jacob's mind as he phased back to human and then back to wolf when he realized that in his haste he had forgotten his clothes.

* * *

He found her running thought the woods the smell of salt faint in the air. His large brown wolf eyes met her golden ones and he saw that her face was wet from crying.

He suddenly hated himself for ever thinking, even for a split second while Bella was dismembering Irina, that Bella was a cold-blooded killer.

"I don't want to talk about it Jake. Please." Her plea came out as her voice broke. Jacob nodded his huge furry head and nudged her with his nose.

_It's okay Bella. I can just be here for you. We don't need to talk._

Her face was soon buried in his fur and her tears, tears she was shedding for Irina, made it wet. He lowered himself to his knees and allowed her to climb on and soon they were bounding through the woods to his house. By the end of the journey Bella had cried herself into exhaustion and subsequently, into sleep.

Her arms wrapped around his shaggy back and her fingers gently woven in his russet fur, her sleeping on his back made Jacob ache in knowing how much she trusted him in both forms.

He replayed in his mind what he had seen as well as what the other members of the pack had witnessed. Sam had caught the most, seeing Bella step forward to take the brunt of Irina's hands before any of the pack could spring. The sound of crunching bones and ripping tendons and muscle when she killed her.

He couldn't name how many times he had risked his life for Bella in the past and almost died because of it. He'd never regretted teaming up with Edward to take on the newborns in order to protect her. It wasn't a thought so much as an instinct.

However, he had never thought that Bella would return the favor. The thought bowled him over.

It was mostly the fact that Bella had taken Irina down so effectively and yet her speed was all instinct.

Phasing slowly he adjusted her so that she lay in his arms, her head on his shoulder. He made his way to his room and gently laid her on the bed.

Her cheeks were still moist her brows furrowed in distress and she was whimpering in her sleep. Jacob's heart seemed to crack a little as he heard her cry out, "Please don't Irina. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Jake."

His naked arms engulfed her and she seemed to be attracted to his warmth, inching her body against him. The finger-shaped bruised were long gone but her broken collarbone was just now healing. He watched in horror and amazement as the bones realigned themselves under her unbroken skin. Drawing her closer he placed a light blanket over them both trying to ignore the pangs of his heartstrings.

She awoke half naked or at least her tank top in mostly shreds, her head placed on a naked muscular bronzed chest. Jacob's face, relaxed and peaceful in his sleep looked almost boyish and angelic. She looked around his room taking in bits and pieces of old childhood memories, an old student desk covered with important looking papers and bills, along with a cup of pencils. Glancing out at Jacob's window she noted the sun first bleary rays and concluded that it was a little after sunrise.

"Hey," his voice was soft and low.

Bella felt a low pull in her stomach as she noticed his bare arms legs and torso.

"You hardly have any tan lines. Do you and the pack go skinny dipping all the time?"

Jacob's laugh seemed like a sun peeking though the clouds. "Actually we're in the buff a lot due to our transformations." His lips met hers in a gentle brush, so light it felt as if butterfly wings had touched them. Jacob's eyes met hers and held them, both intense and warm. "Good morning."

"You know what would make it great?" his voice was a low timbre as he adjusted his body to lie over hers, propping himself up by his elbows.

She shook her head no, feeling a bit like a deer in headlights with the look he was giving her.

"If you and I had a whole day together. Your work on the painting is almost done. I can call in sick and you and I can just hang out."

Bella felt her face become warm and then warmer as he bent down to kiss her collarbone. "But first I want breakfast." It came in a low growl. With that Jacobs fingers were in her hair and his lips were moving steadily downward towards her breasts. Ripping off the remains of her tank top he kissed her as if he was eating her alive. Bella felt her eyes roll into the back of her head. "Jake. Jake. You keep doing that we won't leave the bed until tonight."

A wolfish grin appeared on his face, the kind that melted every female in a block radius. Bella felt herself, go just little limp. "Well then," he concluded. "I guess we could just hang out later tonight too."

* * *

It was two o clock in the afternoon by the time Billy Black had made his way from Black Wolf Garage back to his house, and to his amusement, if not surprise, he heard the sound of female laughter wafting out his kitchen window. Rolling his eyes, he remembered the message left on the message machine at the garage, of a not at all sick sounding Jacob saying he had a fever and 'was going to play it safe.'

They were kissing, Bella caged against the kitchen sink, Jacob's fingers framing her face, his eyes soft, in a way that made Billy clear his voice before they took it to the kitchen table.

Bella's eyes widened as she saw Billy sitting in front of them and broke away from the kiss, looking mortified.

"Uh, hi Billy. I think I'm going to go now"-

"No need to be embarrassed Bells. I figured I see you 'round the house since Sam warned me about yesterday."

Bella's happy, if embarrassed expression clouded as Jacob's became stony if not downright angry.

Billy seemed to note the murderous intent on Jacob's face but chose to ignore it.

"I know Jacob worries, but I heard that you took care of that woman pretty well if not better then the pack could have managed."

Bella's smile was weak at best, her voice was soft and resolved. "I murdered her Billy. No need to sugar-coat it."

Billy's expression darkened. "Call it what you may, you saved a lot of innocent people and gave her a chance to walk away."

Bella nodded, but Jacob was already steering his dad away from her and into another room. Once the door was close he spun to face his father.

"What the hell were you thinking bringing that up, dad? It took all of last night and this morning to get her to stop crying about it.'

Billy pursed his lips. "Avoiding it isn't going to make it go away, son. She helped the pack. She deserves to know it made a difference."

Jacob gritted his teeth as he angrily ran his hands through his hair. "I know that but don't you get it? They're _all_ Edward and their family to her. Especially Irina. She probably ate at picnics with that crazy bitch."-

Billy watched with a wary sort of admiration as Jacob angrily gestured and ranted, not taking in so much of the words but the expressions. The flashing of his eyes, the shaking of his hands, but most of all the fear and down right protective instinct for Bella that seemed to have swelled and filled the whole room. He had underestimated how fast Jacob would fall for Bella again. As it was, his idiot son was head over heels and didn't know it.

-"Are you even listening to me? Irina almost killed "- and me

That statement snapped Billy back into reality, his arm whipped out and fingers pressed to check for bone fractures.

"Dad. DAD! I'm fine. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Bella stopped her in mid-air. She moves faster than any bloodsucker I've ever seen. Sam and I barely caught it. One minute the bloodsucker was coming at my face, and the next the bitch doesn't have hands." Jacob couldn't help but chuckle. Billy thought about the kiss he'd witnessed and for the first time wondered how far Bella had fallen herself. If her protective instincts were any indication he would guess, she had fallen pretty far.

* * *

Bella noticed a difference in Jacob ever since what the pack termed the 'Irina incident.' He seemed lighter somehow, his eyes generally full of humor. Some of the old bitterness seemed to have left him. And while the old Jake, the carefree spirit that would laugh and ride motorbikes, wasn't there, she'd guessed, that while her immature actions at the time had cut him deeply, it was also the burden of being a protector, and later the leader of the pack.

No, the smiling fifteen year old wasn't there when they went grocery shopping together, or to the first beach when the sun had peeked through the clouds for a day. It was as if he was the same yet different. Like the carefree child, the loving bright-hearted spirit had simply grown up.

Not that there wasn't moments when she felt like they both returned to their former selves. Like the time, for a pack exercise, Bella and Jacob had bounded through the woods in a heated game of freeze tag.

The divorcee had laughed as she danced lightly on forest branches, nimbly spiriting through the trees and brush, her long hair whipping behind her as she touched each wolf on the nose. Sam, one of the last to be frozen, seemed both incredulous and sulky when she had touched him.

But Jacob, easily the strongest, and fastest member of the pack, seemed to keep weaseling out of her reach. She'd never known that wolves could smile until she'd seen Jake's wide furry face, break out in a cheeky doggy grin, and tongue lolling out the side of his mouth, eyes bright with laughter. He was easily was the most agile, bounding backward at one point, narrowly avoiding trees. The whole pack seemed to be watching him with amusement as Bella tried to launch herself from the tree line to touch him.

It was only after twenty minutes of the tables being turned, and Jake being 'it', that Bella got the distinct feeling that Jake wasn't really taking the exercise seriously anymore, but rather just playing around, especially when he stuck his wolfy tongue out at her and suddenly caught her off guard pinning Bella to the forest floor, his large front paws immobilizing her and his sudden shimmer to human, his large hands still on her chest, and his face above hers in a triumphant smile.

"Got cha." He was kissing her quite passionlessly until Seth and Leah's voices could be heard from the trees.

"God! Get a room."

"Pft. He doesn't even realize he's naked."

Bella's resulting hot flush made Jacob's low chuckle and downright laughter fill the forest.

* * *

It had been nearly eight months since Bella returned now to Forks and moved to La Push, and almost a month since the 'Irina Incident' when La Push's weather finally cleared up enough for Bella to take her camera down to first beach to take some nature stills. It was still dark as she assembled her camera together and she had hoped to catch Mercury's rising with her new lens as well as shots of the sunrise. A lens cap protected the large expensive camera with its paparazzi style lens as she took stills of the gulls, dipping and diving into the cold surf.

Jacob had been watching this for almost ten minutes before she spoke.

"You gonna just stalk me from a distance wolf-man, or are you gonna come down and greet me?"

Bella didn't bother to turn, her heavy camera still in her hand, but Jacob could hear a smile in her voice.

"You got up early this morning. I wanted to say good bye before I went off to work." He loped down the sandy shore to meet her, his arms wrapping around her from behind. She was wearing his leather motorcycle jacket and a pair of his jeans over her boots. Seeing her in his clothes sent a thrill through his skin.

"This for a job?"

She shrugged a no, still shooting. She had wrapped up all the fairy tail pictures last week and sent them via first class airmail. The book was going to be published sometime six months from now.

With that project out of the way, Bella had been hanging around the garage more, distracting his mechanics with her quick smile and causing more than a few heads to collide with the underside of a car. But even that he hadn't minded so much. She'd throw together an easy meal or he would. They'd eat at home. Or hunt in the forest, him as a wolf, her taking down an occasional mountain lion.

Lately she'd been taking her camera with her everywhere, doing portraits of each of the wolf pack, the scenery, Billy. Claiming that she needed to work on her portfolio before she became too rusty.

But as Jacob watched her shoot the sunrise in comfortable silence, he doubted she would ever be rusty.

He'd snuck peeks at her fairytale canvases and he'd have to say while he knew nothing about art, he could see that it took more than vampire senses to make a picture come to life. Bella breathed life into her paintings.

He looked up to realize she was taking pictures of him.

"Stop it." He was trying to be stern but it was hard, considering his voice had decided to crack, "I'm not photogenic stop it."

Bella barked out a laugh. "Honestly Jacob, I've never met a more photogenic person in my life and I deal with models."

Jacob felt himself redden at the unexpected complement. Flustered, he ran his hands through his hair walking backward into the surf to evade the onslaught of picture taking. Bella however, was not letting up.

Her eyes had gone from playful to intensely focused, she adjusted her lens and snapped another. And the look she was giving him. It was more than intense. It was hungry and it made his stomach clench with lust.

They left the beach both covered in sand.

Everything was going great for once. No vampires but Bella. Steady work. Great sex. Romantic evenings. He had never been happier. Jacob should have known it wouldn't last.

* * *

It was their six-month anniversary, sort of. They weren't really dating. Really. I mean, they had sex and slept over each other's places and he cooked but that wasn't dating. Was it?

Bella felt a smile touch her lips remembering how Jacob had looked in her frilly 1950's apron she'd bought at a thrift store. Or just her frilly apron.

She hadn't wanted to make a big deal out of it. Was afraid she'd jinx it. Six months with Jacob. Six glorious months of relative normalcy. And while it was great, this unnamed thing they had, they were still skirting around whether or not they were dating, let alone something like an anniversary for something as piddle and high-schoolish as a six months.

So that morning as the sun had rose she had decided that she was going to ask him out today. It scared her shitless being that she'd never asked out anyone before and despite their relationship, she worried, in the back of her darkest, most insecure thoughts if this, the romantic undefined space that was her and Jacob, was undefined because he didn't want to date her.

That sense of fear left a metallic taste in her mouth. Because while the sex was great, and the conversation was better, and over all everything had been wonderfully euphoric, she was starting to feel the four letter word that made her say _other_ four letter words.

It was too soon for _that_ she'd argued. She was newly divorced. She wasn't over Edward, she'd insisted. But now more than ever, she wondered about that. His name didn't hurt her the way it did when he'd left her all those years ago. The memories, albeit sweet, were lightly tainted with disappointments.

And if she was really honest with herself, she hadn't thought about Edward in at least five months. More like six.

All of this scared Bella. More than scared her, more like terrified her down to the sinews of her very being, but she reminded herself, she was a brave, half vampire, divorcé', she ate cougars for breakfast literally. Saying those three little words shouldn't kill her.

Beside Jacob, more than anyone else, deserved to hear it first for a change. So she'd planned a dinner, and ordered in, bought a new dress, splurged on shoes, even wore some makeup all in preparation for what she would tell him.

She anticipated he'd be a little shocked. Maybe have some doubts. But in the end he'd tell her he'd love her too. And she was willing to wait for that in the way he had waited for her.

Jacob ate slowly as he watched Bella fidget in her seat. She hadn't touched any of the food she'd prepared, and it more way fancy than the normal Chinese or Indian takeout she'd ordered on occasion.

It was hard to enjoy it though, when she was so obviously uncomfortable.

"God I'm really bad at this," she'd groaned into her hands.

"Bad at what?" Despite her nerves, he had to say he was impressed at her attempt to 'woo him.' It was oddly touching.

"This," She gestured at the table with a free hand while, the other covered her humiliated, blushing face.

"I think the food's great even if you didn't cook it Bells. You're a painter not a chef. I respect that."

Bella groaned through her fingers, before she sat up straight and took a deep breath.

"You know what Jake. I'm going to just spit this out the best I can so that I can get it over."

Jacob's smile widened at her suddenly somber expression.

"You're not pregnant are you?" His joking laugh was half worried.

"God no." Her eyes widened.

"Jake," she seemed to be trying to speak and not puke and the same time,

"I-love-you. -you-go-out-with-me?"

Now Jacob felt queasy. "What?

* * *

Bella uncovered her face, and not meeting his eyes and continued. "I understand that we don't really have a name for what we are right now. Friends with benefits, friends. But I like you. I really, really like you. Actually," she swallowed hard. "I love you. And I want to date. Just go slow at first but I mean…"

Jacob had no words. His heart was pounding so hard he thought he could hear it. Love. She loved him. The cynical voice inside him was laughing, saying that it'd only last as long as Edward stayed away. He'd come back one day and then she'd be his again and blow out of La Push like an errant rainstorm. Of course she loved him. She loved him from before, when thing had been easy. But she would never love him more than Edward. It wasn't a competition. He'd already lost.

"I'm sorry. I can't." The words came out rasped and hard.

Then without a second thought he bolted.

It was Seth who had found him out on the La Push forest reserve at two in the morning, pacing in wolf form trying to not puke up all of his guts in what he believed was a panic attack.

_Dude! What is your deal! Sam is looking all over for you! Did you just break up with Bella?_

Jacob felt his heart wrench. Is that what he just did? He shook his head mentally. Edward would come back for her sooner or later. He was delusional in thinking it would last longer than this. It was for the better.

_**We were never dating. It's better this way. At least I didn't imprint, right?**_

Jacob heard Seth's low growl as he bared his teeth.

_What were you doing with her then? Fucking around? The whole pack knows that it's more than that. _

_** I don't care what the "whole pack knows." The "whole pack" can go to hell. **_

_ I can't believe you're doing this because of the imprinting thing. I'm imprinted and I'm happy._

_**Whatever Seth. -**_

_ -Bella tells you she loves you and you run off because of that. She's bawling her eyes out right now. I've never seen her like this. _

_**You weren't around when Edward left her. She'll get over it. **_

Seth's eyes narrowed as he turned his back on Jacob to walk towards the road.

_You are such a bastard right now dude, it's not even funny. You love her back and we both know it. You've been in love with her for YEARS. You've been dating her for six months now. She tells you what you wanted to hear for YEARS and you stomp on her. Grow a pair and apologize before I tell her dad what you did._

* * *

She had expected him to be shocked. She had expected it to take time. But she hadn't expected this. At first, as Bella heard her apartment door slam and Jacob's motorcycle drive away, she had felt numb. Now however, she just couldn't stop crying.

She hadn't cried since becoming a vampire. Not even for Reneseme. Not even when she wanted to cry. But now she felt she couldn't breath to keep from sobbing. Whereas when Edward had gone she'd felt she'd died, now she felt cold, like she'd been buried alive in snow. Curling into a ball she wrapped her arms around herself, shivering, shaking and crying uncontrollably.

Sam had found her that way, curled up on her floor, the heat up to eighty degrees, her blankets wrapped up to her chin, sobbing.

He'd wrapped his arms around her and stayed there the first day and night. The other wolves had looked in the days that followed. Even Leah seemed sympathetic. Seth however, seemed just plain angry at Jacob, his teeth clenching at the sound of his name. Refusing to even talk to his best friend, he stayed with Bella the most.

Painting took some of the pain away. But when she saw the pictures of Jacob, it made it unbearable and the resulting crying jag lasted another week.

Her tear ducts burned from crying. She was dehydrated from crying. For all the not crying Bella had done in the past seven years she sure made up for it in a hurry.

She avoided the grocery store since due to her Vampiric hearing, the hushed sympatric murmurs, were too clear, the rumors of her relationship and breakup too painful to listen to. Without asking, the wolves had taken over that chore, dropping by her place with Tupperware dishes of Emily's food, sometime with Emily herself.

They all knew better than to speak about Jacob in front of her but she could tell just from what they didn't say things weren't great at the garage.

* * *

"I've watched you mope for three fucking weeks Jacob and I think it's time you beg Bella to take you back." Sam's voice was low and serious over the din of the garage.

It was relatively empty considering how Jacob had managed to scare away all his customers and most of his employees during the first week.

He was a wreck. He couldn't sleep unless he was in wolf form and then he still dreamt of her, her dark hair flying behind her as she ran. Pouncing on her to the forest floor. Her kisses. Her smiles. The shocked the destroyed look on her face when he left. He had put everything that had reminded himself of her in a box intending on burning it sometime that first week, only to realize, it was most of his apartment, and his sheets and bed. Sometime after the first week, the resolve to live alone had crumbled leaving the understanding that what he had just done was the stupidest thing he could've ever done. And now he was kicking himself for it.

He'd heard stories, involuntarily, through pack mind, about Bella's minor mental break down and how each member of the pack had watched her. And while he couldn't put his gratitude into words, he could have done without the mental onslaught of memories of her curled up in a ball crying wordlessly even in her sleep. He'd promised that he'd never do what Edward had done, and yet he had and worse. Because now, she didn't even think he loved her. She thought he'd used her for sex or worse revenge and when he was done, left her. Even Leah, the President of the "Let's Hate Bella Club" looked disgusted with him. But no one could be as disgusted with him as he was.

Without thinking, he'd bent the socket wrench he was holding into the shape of his hand.

"She doesn't want me back. _I _don't want me back."

Sam sighed. "If Bella loves you like I think she does, she wants you back. You can't keep thinking Edward's going to take her away from you. They've been divorced for while now. He obviously let her go. She obviously chose you. Now what are you going to do to grovel because if I did to Emily what you did to her, she'd have my balls on a platter."

Jacob threw his head back in frustration. "I don't know what I can do to make up for it aside from offering my balls."

"You might want to tell her you love her," Sam added, rolling his eyes.

Jacob closed his eyes and bit his tongue, the strings that attached his to his family and pack were vibrating as if plucked lately, and he had a feeling what would happen when he did finally confess. However, at this point, he didn't care. If she left him or hated him after he was imprinted, he deserved it.

But on the off chance, that she was still the Bella he knew, the one who took that bloodsucker back after he broke her out of sheer loyalty, he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her. He would do everything and anything to ensure she'd never cry because of him again.

Somehow, in that thought some of the panic left him as he saw in his mind a clear image of a pregnant Bella, round with his child, making his life a living hell as she screamed at him for being late after a nightly patrol, moody and full of venom. He relished the idea of her lashing out at him verbally, punishing him for as long as he lived, as he trudged through the door of his fantasy.

And suddenly his arms were around her and he was kissing her quiet and her anger and rage seemed to melt in his arms. Kissing her dazed lips gently he would place the container of craved cookie dough ice cream into her hands. She'd wolf it down in minutes as she painted, in acrylic, and griped that she couldn't use oil paint for another two months due to the chemicals. And then out of seemingly nowhere her face would break into a surprised smile as she grabbed his hand. "Oh! Oh! He's kicking! Can you feel him?"

Jacob jolted out of his fantasy as he dropped him mutilated wrench on the floor with a clatter. One day at a time he reminded himself. Don't get ahead of yourself. Tell her you love her first and maybe after a few years…But he couldn't get the image of Bella, glowing with health, smiling, as she painting, out of his mind. He didn't realize until he was halfway down the street that he was smiling too.


End file.
